


Marooned

by renfics



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fire-Forged Romance, Gray Jedi (Star Wars), Huddling For Warmth, I have no survival skills but I'm faking it till I make it, Jedi Reader (Star Wars), Reader-Insert, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Some Fluff, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Wilderness Survival, enemies to reluctant allies to lovers, plot heavy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:14:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28074543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renfics/pseuds/renfics
Summary: When Kylo Ren finally tracks down a rogue Jedi he’s been after for months he can feel victory in his grasp. But when an accident leaves him marooned on a deadly planet with the same woman he set out to kill, will they both be able to temporarily put their differences aside in order to survive?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 45
Kudos: 222





	1. Chapter One

You hated to admit it, but Kylo Ren was an incredible pilot. It was a miracle you had made it this far, although that wasn't saying much considering you had only travelled a few parsecs from where you had been staying on Florrum in the outer rim. Hiding in amongst pirates and smugglers on a desert wasteland had worked perfectly for nearly an entire planetary rotation, but the First Order had caught up with you sooner than you expected - you wouldn't be surprised if one of your 'allies' personally sold you out to Supreme Leader Ren.

The moment you'd sensed a dark energy approaching in the Force, you had stolen a small ship and taken flight, but Ren was already on your tail. He was flying a state of the art ship, which was equipped with all the weaponry he needed to shoot you down and end the Jedi once and for all. You, meanwhile, had managed to pick a total bucket of bolts to fly in... the best you could do was dodge the constant barrage of blaster bolts.

"Come on, there must be something here-" you grumbled to yourself, keeping one hand on the stick as your other fumbled around the various consoles to see if there was anything remotely useful. The second your hand hit something that felt like a detonator of some kind you grabbed it. However, at that moment the whole cockpit violently quaked and alarms started blaring; Ren had taken out your engine and you were inevitably plummetting towards the surface of whatever tiny planet you were passing over.

If this was going to be it, you wanted to know that you had at least gone down fighting. Squeezing your eyes shut you clutched the detonator in your hand and hit the button... and everything went silent.

You wondered if you were dead. Everything was silent, but you didn't exactly feel dead. Hazarding opening your eyes, you realised that you were in fact still alive. Alive, and free-falling in a completely dead ship to the planet below. You had assumed that detonator was an explosive which would have destroyed both you and Ren, but it had been an EMP - it had set off a huge electromagnetic pulse which had killed all of your power, and you had no idea how large the blast radius was.

It was entirely possible that you had just finished the job for Ren and sentenced yourself to death, but maybe, just maybe, you had condemned him too. It wasn't the Jedi way to seek retribution like this, but over the years you had been forced to adapt to a new world - one where the traditional Jedi teachings didn't always fit in.

As you plunged towards the planet's surface you braced for impact. The whole cockpit became unbearably hot as the velocity caused the ship to catch alight whilst entering the atmosphere. All you could do was brace for impact as you hurtled towards your demise in a durasteel prison. You could barely get a look at the planet you were about to crash on, you squeezed your eyes shut and inhaled a sharp breath when you sensed the ground was getting closer.

Then everything went black.

A loud ringing was the first thing to strike your senses, it was ear-piercing. Your sight returned next when you noticed streaks of light breaking through the black spots which had been clouding your vision. As your body caught up with your senses you began to ache all over, but it was the shooting pain in your shoulder which really caught your attention.

With a small grunt of pain, you began shifting in the compressed cockpit to try and free yourself, but to no avail. Opting for a different approach, you focused your mind and attempted to block out your pain and use the Force to move the debris from the crash out of your way. Relief washed over you when you heard the rustling of durasteel and eventually you could see daylight. You were able to clear a large enough gap for you to clamber out of.

The first thing that hit you about this planet was the air temperature. It was bitterly cold... but you felt sand beneath your hands. There were some mountains in the distance, but other than that the place looked like a frozen desert wasteland. However, you had no time to process the confusion. When you felt a familiar presence approaching through the Force your head snapped up, and to your utmost dismay, you saw Kylo Ren approaching you, presumably walking away from his own ship wreckage. It seemed as though the EMP had taken both of you down.

He looked filthy from his crash, a few cuts littering his face, but unlike the one you were boasting on your shoulder you couldn't see any major injuries. As the pain in your shoulder crossed your mind you glanced down at it and to your horror, you saw a large fragment of durasteel protruding from your skin.

Time was of the essence, with Ren approaching you a fight was bound to ensue - after all, he still wanted you dead and the Jedi wiped out. Sucking in a deep breath you pulled the shard out of your shoulder in one swift movement, stifling a cry of pain as you did so. You knew you would have no hope if that wound didn't have a chance to clot, so you tore away a piece of your clothing and tightly wrapped it around your shoulder.

Luckily, your dominant arm wasn't injured, and your Lightsaber had also survived the crash. As adrenaline flooded your veins the pain from your injury began to subside, and you braced yourself as Ren finally came face to face with you.

"What did you do?" He asked in his usual deep, menacing tone. He blatantly wasn't thrilled about crash landing on a random planet in the outer rim, but you weren't exactly crazy about the idea either.

"I figured I was dead either way, so why not take you down with me." There was no reason to lie to him. After all, chances were only one of you was walking away.

"Die there, die here... you're just delaying the inevitable." Ren hissed, hunching over as he activated his crossguard Saber, the blades crackling to life.

You simply activated your own Saber in response, trying to ignore the feeling of blood seeping through your makeshift bandage. Red met blue in a mighty clash as Ren viciously swung his Saber at you, with your dominant hand on the hilt you pushed against him, using your injured arm to push him backwards with the Force.

He slid a few feet away but required no recovery time. As she stormed back towards you he spun his Saber a few times, a premonition for his next strike. Usually, he would play with his food and toy with you for a bit before really setting out to do damage, but this time was different. This time, he was furious that you had caused the both of you to crash on this seemingly desolate planet - all of that rage was being channelled at you now.

You weren't bad in combat, actually far from it, up until now you had always managed to hold you own. But the injury in your shoulder was compromising your ability to fight more than you let on. The best you could do was block Ren's ferocious strikes and try to avoid letting his Saber make contact with your skin.

It wasn't long before Ren grew restless of this game. Raising on gloved hand you felt your entire body seize up and freeze, an invisible grip wrapping tightly around your neck. As you struggled and choked on thin air, he swung his Saber at yours with enough Force to knock the hilt out of your hand.

Just as he was about to finish the job, a piercing roar cut through the atmosphere, caching both of your attention. When a dark shadow cast over you both in tandem with booming footsteps approaching, Ren dropped you and you fell to the ground, spluttering.

With no time to recover, you hauled yourself to your feet and summoned your Saber back to your hand, not activating it just yet. Against your better judgement, you moved to stand beside Ren as you both laid eyes on what was approaching...

It was a huge reptile, like nothing you had ever seen before. It walked on four stumpy legs, its sheer size dwarfing you both. It had beady black eyes and camouflaged skin, not to mention the huge tail which boasted large spikes at the end of it. A large, forked tongue suddenly protruded from the creature's mouth - a warning that you were both on its menu.

You and Ren exchanged a glance. A silent agreement to table your own fight whilst you dealt with the more immediate problem at hand. He raised his Saber, and you re-activated yours. You hadn't come up against much fauna over the years, so you hoped Ren might have a better idea about where to start when it came to killing a reptile of this size.

He slashed at the creature's chest - the part of it which was directly in front of you, and you followed his lead. But aside from minor scorch marks, there was no impact. To withstand that kind of Lightsaber damage meant that its skin was near-impenetrable.

In retaliation, the creature let out another almighty roar. Evidently, all you had managed to do was make it even angrier...

"We need to find its weak spot." You said, feeling exceptionally short of breath given that your wound was still steadily bleeding from the crash. You had no idea why it hadn't clotted yet, but you couldn't think about it at that moment.

"It's clearly doesn't have one." Ren seethed through gritted teeth, throwing himself backwards to avoid a sweeping attack from the beast's tail.

"Then what do you suggest Ren? Let it eat us." You snapped, "just keep it busy." You ordered him, running around to the side of the reptile. Reluctantly, Ren agreed... not that he had much of a choice given that it seemed determined to eat him first.

It didn't move very quickly, so whilst Ren dodged and continued to attempt slashing at the beast with his Saber, you used the Force to jump up onto its back. It took you a second to gain your footing, but the impermeable skin meant that it seemingly couldn't feel you landing on its back. That, or it was too distracted by Kylo Ren to care.

Taking a moment to regain your footing, you crouched down to keep your balance as the creature threw itself around in an attempt to kill Ren, and started moving around its back to look for some kind of weak spot. You quickly spotted a raw, fleshy opening in the back of its neck, only small but a large enough gap for your Saber to fit into.

Wasting no time, you used your uninjured hand to thrust the blade into the weak spot. Immediately, a long cry of pain came from the reptile, and whilst it had its mouth open Ren took the opportunity and swung his Saber into its jaw to tear it apart from within. When the creature dropped dead you were thrown back to the ground, stumbling a few steps.

There was no time to celebrate as you remembered who your current company was. As soon as you and Ren faced one another again your Sabers were raised, neither of you moving to attack. You were feeling slightly woozy, you knew that if you did fight your shoulder wound would put you at a major disadvantage.

The sun was setting on the planet now, and as the light faded you noticed the temperature dropping even more. If you somehow survived this altercation with Ren, you would need somewhere to camp as a matter of urgency.

"Your ships not going to fly again, is it." You pointed out to him.

"Neither is yours, but the difference is that the First Order will be looking for me." His eyes didn't leave you for a split second.

"Face it Ren, you'd be dead without me. How long do you think it'll take for them to find you if your ship's tracking beacon is destroyed? Can you really afford to try and survive on your own?" You were essentially bargaining for your life. Realistically, he was going to kill you as soon as his rescue arrived, but this short term solution would give you a chance to come up with a new plan at least.

"And how much use will you be to me if you're wounded?" He pointed his Saber at your shoulder, and it was only then that you put your own weapon away and pressed your hand to the makeshift bandage to try and finally stop the bleeding. You were convinced that you were running entirely on adrenaline, otherwise, you would have collapsed by now. The sunlight was all but gone, your surroundings plunged into darkness aside from the crackling glow from Ren's Saber.

"Then kill me, see how long you-" before you could finish your remark, you paused. "Do you hear that?" You asked him.

He stopped for a moment, listening. "Yes." He then confirmed.

It was a scratching noise. Like thousands of nails scraping along the ground.

You both exchanged a knowing glance, and Ren moved his Saber towards the ground to illuminate it slightly. There was enough light to see the sand beneath your feet, and from beneath it, small scorpions were burrowing up to the surface in their hundreds.

Panic crossed your face as you also illuminated your Saber. The critters let out a hissing noise as they retracted away from the new light.

"They don't like the light." You breathed, trying to will your adrenaline to push you on for just a bit longer.

"Run." His response was simple, and you didn't need to be told twice. These scorpions were multiplying by the second, and the only thing deterring them from crawling all over you both was your Sabers.

You took off, your legs carrying you as fast as possible to keep up with Ren. He was significantly larger than you which meant for every one step he was taking you were taking two. Neither of you had any idea where you were going, you were just following him. Beneath your feet, you could feel the soft sand, juxtaposed by the icy air. It was like a desert just... cold - perhaps Ren knew more about eco-systems than you and could shed some light on this planet's environment. That was if you ever found shelter.

The scratching noise was slowly fading, and you both slowed down. Admittedly, Ren was looking for shelter whilst you simply stumbled behind him trying to cling to your consciousness. Eventually, he turned around to glance at you and exhaled a frustrated grunt as he came to hook his free hand under your shoulder and essentially drag you forwards.

"You're an inconvenience to me, Jedi." He hissed under his breath, and you didn't even have the energy to respond anymore, the cold was travelling through to your bones and you had lost a dangerous amount of blood.

"In here." He muttered after a while, leading you into a cavern which was carved into the side of one of the large mountains you had spotted when you first crashed.

Ren dropped you to the floor once you were out of the unforgiving outdoors and you sunk against the wall of the cavern, your eyes involuntarily closing.

Wordlessly, the Supreme Leader crouched beside you and began removing the fabric that was now wet with your blood. You forced yourself to open your eyes, despite your body willing you not to. You knew that if you weren't watching him he could kill you at any given second.

"It's not clotting." He mumbled, raising his Saber to which you lazily activated your own in your opposite hand - it wasn't like you could do much with it given that you could barely move. He simply looked at your blade and rolled his eyes. "If I wanted you dead I wouldn't be wasting my time looking at your wound." He then snapped.

Reluctantly, you retracted your Saber, the cave going back to being illuminated only by the red glow from Ren's weapon. Taking your action as acceptance of his help he decided it was best to tell you what he was planning on doing.

"I'm going to cauterize it to stop the bleeding." He said, very matter-of-factly. Seemingly he didn't care that cauterizing meant putting you in an immense amount of pain... who were you kidding? To Ren, putting you in pain was probably a lucky bonus.

"Do it." You quietly agreed, knowing that it was a surefire way to clot the wound. You clenched your jaw and squeezed your eyes shut, bracing yourself for the pain that was to come.

Without hesitation or an ounce of mercy, he pressed one of the smaller crossguard vents of his Saber onto your flesh. There was a singeing noise, masked only be the cry of pain that you tried to stifle. It was agony, being purposely burnt by a Lightsaber.

After an endless few seconds, Ren removed the blade and inspected his work. He didn't look in the least part bothered by the amount of pain you were in, but that wasn't a surprise. Even once the Saber had been removed you could feel your skin still burning, but the silver lining was that it had temporarily stopped you from feeling so bitterly cold.

Saying nothing, he moved to leave the cavern and you didn't even have the energy to ask where he was going. When he left with his Saber, the cavern was plunged into darkness, but you simply laid back against the wall and tried to catch your breath. Now that the wound was no longer bleeding, you could feel yourself returning to full consciousness but you could also feel the cold seeping back into you. Although your shoulder was still hot and burning, the rest of you was now freezing, your teeth even chattering.

Ren could have been out there dead for all you knew, the best you could do was pull your knees up towards your chest and hope that you didn't catch your death before morning in the cold.

You weren't sure how much time passed, but when you heard rustling you forced your body to haul itself to its feet. Now fully exposed to the cold, you immediately began shivering. Nevertheless, your wound was clotted so you were hopefully strong enough to fend off whatever creature was approaching.

Lowerbehold, the 'creature' came bearing a crackling red Lightsaber. You never thought you would be relieved to see Kylo Ren - you certainly didn't intend to make a habit of it.

"Where were you?" You hissed as you retracted your Saber, sinking back towards the ground to huddle yourself for warmth.

"Don't question me, Jedi." He grumbled, throwing down a heap of shrubbery which he had been carrying under his arm. "This is all I could find that would burn before the scorpions found me."

You didn't show your gratitude aloud, but you were silently relieved that he'd gone out and found something you could build a fire with. Turning your Saber back on for more light, you helped him to assemble the shrubbery in the middle of the cavern, neither of you speaking a word to each other.

He looked at you when it came time to light the fire, and you were surprised at his expectant expression. You had always possessed the unique Force ability of pyrokinesis, but that wasn't something you had expected Ren to remember from the Jedi Temple.

You put your Saber aside and focused your mind. You hovered one hand over the pile of dry plants and concentrated until you felt the immediate warmth of flames. A small smile settled on your lips as you shuffled closer and allowed the fire to warm you up.

Although he wouldn't outwardly show it, it was obvious that the cold had also been getting to Ren. He put his own Saber away now that there was a new source of light and also finally sat down on the cavern floor. You noticed that he pulled his cloak tighter over his shoulders, and you were internally jealous of how many layers he wore. You had been dressed for the hot desert climate on Florrum, not this.

"Perhaps you'll be of some use to me, Jedi." He bitterly remarked, and you ignored him. Despite your shoulder still being painful, it could now heal, which meant that you were just as able as Kylo Ren was.

Whether the planet would kill you, or you would kill each other, was a question for the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my brand new Kylo Ren dumpster fire !! On this magical mystery tour, you can expect: sexual tension, two headstrong protagonists, enemies to lovers, sexual tension, and a sprinkling of SEXUAL TENSION


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a restless night, you and Kylo head out to scavenge from your ship wreckages.

Once the fire had been lit, you and Ren had both sat in silence, looking visibly exhausted. You had been the first one to suggest that he sleeps whilst you keep watch, to which he responded less than favourably.

"So you can kill me in my sleep? No." He had huffed, "you sleep, I'll keep watch."

"Fat chance." You had snorted in response, "you're just as likely to kill me."

From there the bickering had just continued, until eventually, you had sat on opposite sides of the cavern staring at one another, both of you clutching your Lightsaber hilts in case the other attacked.

It was safe to say that neither of you had attacked, rather you had both just involuntarily fallen asleep slumped in very awkward positions. The morning you were so achy when you woke up, which admittedly wouldn't have been as bad had you slept properly on the floor. You assumed that Ren was feeling the same because when you looked across at him he was stirring at the same time as you. When his eyes opened he let out a low groan, moving his neck from side to side until it made a loud clicking noise.

The fire had long since perished, but with the sun now up the cold was just about bearable. By bearable, you meant it wouldn't kill you, but you were still in a constantly icy state. You were also starving, not to mention dehydrated. You'd have to find food and water soon otherwise, all the suffering up until his point would have been for nothing.

When your gaze met Ren's, you both lunged back for your Sabers. Neither of you activated them, but even after he had cauterized your shoulder wound there still wasn't an ounce of trust.

"We need to go back to the ships." Ren eventually broke the standoff. You knew that he was right, neither of you had looked through the wreckages for anything salvageable before you'd been forced to find shelter. With any luck, the fauna of this planet wouldn't be interest in scrap metal and the ships would still be left untouched.

When the two of you left the cavern and started walking, you could finally see your surroundings. The night before you had been on the brink of collapsing and barely registered where you were going. Thankfully, Ren seemed to remember the way back to the ships.

The landscape was very open, no cover from trees or... anything. The planet was essentially a desert, just much colder. There were dried out plants around, similar to the ones Ren had brought in for the fire, and no animals in sight, but given your encounters from the day before you assumed that most species on this planet burrowed under the sand. The sand itself was cold to the touch, and some parts of it were covered in a thin layer of ice.

"How's your shoulder?" Ren eventually cut through the silence as you walked.

"Fine." You were stretching the truth a bit. It hurt to even move your arm, but you didn't want him knowing that you were still vulnerable. You were on edge as it was spending this much time with the man who had been hunting you across the galaxy, and you knew that you were only alive because you were of some use to him.

"You're lying." He cooly responded, not turning to look at you.

"Why do you care?"

"I don't. But you're already of little use to me, if you can't fight then you're of _no_ use to me."

You bit back a sarcastic insult. You didn't have the energy to argue with him, just his presence was bringing up dark emotions in you, emotions that Jedi shouldn't embrace.

In the distance, you could see the ship wreckages, as well as the carcass of the creature you and Kylo had killed the day before. As you approached your gaze momentarily lingered on the creature. Its tough skin had been torn away by other animals scavenging for food, your bet was on those scorpions that had swarmed you.

Ren walked ahead of you and abandoned you to go towards his ship, leaving you to explore your own wreckage. Considering the ship had been originally hijacked by pirates before you had stolen it you weren't holding out hope to find anything useful on board.

You didn't want to put pressure on your injured shoulder so used the Force to open up a larger gap in the wreckage. Now that you could comfortably fit, you clambered into the cockpit.

The first thing you noticed was the dried pool of your own blood, there had been so much adrenaline running through your veins when you crashed that you hadn't realised just how fatal your injury could have been. Aside from that, you couldn't find much else aside from another EMP, which you certainly didn't need. Just looking at the device made you feel sick to your stomach, without it you wouldn't be in this situation. Although, without it, you more than likely would have been dead... silver linings.

It was wishful thinking, but you had been praying to the Force that you find some kind of food or water or even a first aid kid. You would really benefit from a simple bacta patch on your shoulder. But there was no luck, the crash site was just an empty shell of durasteel. Plus, you were no mechanic but just by looking at the ship you could tell that it was never going to fly again.

You carefully moved back out to the planet's surface, not wanting to injure yourself any further on the way out. When you emerged food and water were the only thoughts plaguing your mind. In the distance, you could see Ren still rummaging through his wreckage, with any luck First Order ships would be equipped with something useful for emergencies.

Glancing to your left you once again saw the corpse of the huge lizard-esque creature. As you moved closer towards it you saw that where it's impenetrable skin had been torn away there was meaty flesh beneath it. A day ago you wouldn't have even considered sourcing food from a long since dead dead animal, but you were quickly realising that there weren't many other options on this planet.

When a dark shadow cast itself over you, you turned around to come face to face with Ren.

"Are you worried it's going to get back up?" He scoffed, mocking you.

"I'm actually wondering if it's edible unless you'd rather starve to death, Ren." You raised an eyebrow expectantly, knowing that you had caught him out with that one. You noticed that he was clutching something in one of his gloved hands - at least he had seemingly found something useful in his ship.

"Bring some with us then." He grunted, clearly unhappy about being bested by you. Without another word, he stalked off in the direction of the cavern.

You drew your Lightsaber and cut off a sizeable chunk of meat from the creature's body. It wasn't the most pleasant thing you had ever done, but desperate times called for desperate measures. With any luck when you cooked it, it wouldn't taste too awful.

"What did you find?" You couldn't help but be nosy as you silently walked back to the cavern. You both walked side by side, neither of you trusting the other to walk behind.

"Every First Order ship is equipped with emergency supplies." He responded by only semi-answering your question.

"And?" You prompted, wanting to know if there was actually anything useful.

He heaved a heavy sigh as if you were massively inconveniencing him by asking, "and there's a medical kit, a blanket, and a flask."

Thankfully all of those things seemed useful, but in your current dehydrated state, there was one thing which perked you up.

"Does the flask have any water in it?" You asked.

"No," Ren grumbled, and you could tell he had been hoping just as much as you that there would be water in there.

You bit your tongue to prevent yourself from making a dry comment about how useless an empty flask was. You didn't have the energy to get into a petty argument with him. At this point, you were just pinning your hopes on the mysterious lizard meat you were carrying, at the very least it would satisfy your aching hunger. Water would have to be your priority after that.

As you walked back to the cavern you forced Ren to carry the meat and gathered some of the dry plants which were scattered around the ice-cold sand, surprisingly he didn't kick up a fuss about it.

The sun was high in the sky at this point, but the temperature wasn't rising. It was still bearable, but you were definitely feeling the cold. There was luckily not even a breeze in the air, you could imagine that an icy wind would make it just that much worse.

By the time you arrived back at the cavern, your arms were full of various plants and foliage - you have picked up anything that looked remotely flammable.

You threw it down in the centre of the floor where the burnt-out fire from the night before was and kneeled beside it, tapping into the Force so you could light it. Stretching a hand out over the pile of plants, you inhaled a deep breath and focused. It was taking a lot longer to light than it usually would, but your strength was at an all-time low between your injury, dehydration and hunger. You could feel the flicker, which meant that you were on the verge of creating a blaze. But just as you were on the cusp of success, you were interrupted.

"What's taking so long?" Kylo grunted, and you exhaled an exasperated sigh and looked up at him.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience Supreme Leader. Why don't I step back and you can take over... oh wait that's right, you can't." You hissed, unable to hold back your cutting remarks on this occasion. You knew that without your pyrokinesis Ren would have no hope when it came to getting a fire lit, he needed you more than you needed him in this scenario.

"Watch your tone Jedi." He spat, likely for the sake of nothing since he then stepped back and allowed you to refocus yourself.

Eventually, you managed to get the fire lit and the moment you felt the familiar warmth of flames you fell backwards into a sitting position, exhausted and breathless. You had never known pyrokinesis to drain your strength that much, but considering you had little to no strength to begin with, it made sense.

In the meantime, Kylo had used his Saber to slice the meat into portions and impale it on some sticks. It was primitive, but you both knew that there was no standing on ceremony anymore.

However, what you didn't see whilst you were lost in your focus was Ren slipping a broken communicator into the bottom of the survival bag. He had hoped to find his ship's beacon in a fixable condition, but it was completely broken. Instead, he had taken the communicator with him in the hope that he could fashion it into a homing beacon for the First Order to find him. He elected not to tell you about it for obvious reasons. He needed your help to survive until they arrived.

You both held your respective cuts of meat over the blaze, turning them until they browned. It was practically torture waiting for the food to cook when you were this ravenous, you couldn't help but salivate at the mere smell. Once you were satisfied that the cut of meat was cooked through, you wasted no time in digging in. Usually, if you were trying a new food you would proceed with some caution in case you disliked the taste, but there was absolutely no room for that kind of pickiness here.

Unceremoniously, you tore off a huge chunk of meat using your canines and began to chew. It was like chomping down on rubber, the texture was awful. It was so tough to break down in your mouth that you feared you wouldn't be able to swallow and digest it. But having said that, it didn't taste half as bad as you were expecting. It was unsurprisingly bland, but food was food, and this certainly could have been a whole lot worse.

Sat across from you, Ren was also visibly struggling with the chewing, but neither of you complained aloud. The only sound filling the cavern was obnoxiously loud chewing as you both tried to break the food up and swallow it.

Once you had eaten every last morsel of food, you threw the stick aside and laid back, simply enjoying the heat of the fire.

"I feel so much better." You mused, exhaling a content sigh. You weren't particularly talking to Ren, he just happened to be there to overhear your external monologue.

"We need to find water." He gave a stock response, but he wasn't wrong. The second he mentioned it, you were reminded of the burning thirst which was possessing your entire body. Your lips were so dry from the cold and dehydration that you could feel the skin cracking every time you opened your mouth. You had been so distracted by the food that you had momentarily forgotten the rest of your woes.

"How are we supposed to find it?" You lifted your head to raise an eyebrow at him. The planet was a wasteland, if you aimlessly walked around looking for water that frankly may not even exist within reach of you, you could kill yourselves in the process.

"We're supposed to look." He sneered as if it were obvious.

"And what happens when we use up what little energy we have left looking and drop dead in the process?"

"That doesn't sound very Jedi of you, Jedi." He used your irksome nickname to mock you.

"Forgive my cynicism Ren, but I've spent the past years as a survivor rather than a Jedi. I don't intend to die here." There was a slightly bitter note to your tone. If it weren't for him then you could be somewhere else in the galaxy living your life in peace. You never planned to try and overthrow the First Order, you had accepted long ago that the Jedi Order was dead - you were all that remained. But none of that stopped Ren from ruthlessly hunting you.

"Then what would you have us do?" He snapped, "sit here and hope that the water finds us?"

"If you would just keep your mouth shut for a few minutes then maybe I can-" your stream of frustration was interrupted by a loud roar rippling through your eardrums.

You both recognised that sound and just looked at each other with a hint of dread crossing both of your expressions. When you had found this cavern you assumed it was just deserted, not that it belonged to a nocturnal creature...

Pounding footsteps approached, and a shadow was cast over the whole cave as the exit was blocked by another of the giant lizard beasts. You and Ren both immediately reacted by pulling out your Sabers. You didn't think you'd have the energy to keep up a fight for long, but now you knew this thing's weak spot, you should have been able to kill it quickly.

However, the moment it entered the cavern you realised that you stood no hope in defeating it. At its full height, its back was brushing the ceiling, leaving neither of you any space to access the fleshy opening in the back of its neck.

You knew that Kylo was thinking the same as you, working out the fastest way to escape. A brainwave hit you, and even though it wasn't the smartest idea, it was the only idea you had.

"Ren..." you said in a low tone as the creature approached ever so slowly. "Get ready to run."

"What are you doing?" He hissed, his head snapping to look at you, Saber raised.

"Saving our lives, are you okay with that?" You snapped, your eyes focusing on the beast which now stood just in front of you, the blazing fire the only thing separating you from it.

You knew that it was toying with its prey, taunting you almost - if it had the mental capacity to do so. You firmly stood your ground, twirling your Lightsaber to invite it to attack.

Before it moved to swipe at either of you, the creature opened its jaws and let out an almighty roar. You took advantage of its hubris and used the Force to throw the flames into its mouth. You knew this wouldn't do much damage, but it was enough to stun the beast.

"Go!" You gave Ren a shove to shake him into action, and he complied, scooping up the bag of supplies on his way. You followed behind him as he squeezed past the roaring lizard and to the cavern's opening.

The running was quickly burning off the food you had eaten, and it didn't take long for you both to slow to a walking pace when you realised that the beast wasn't following you. Both of you were breathless, and when you briefly met his eyes, for the first time you saw something other than mistrust and resentment. There was a mutual respect forming between you both, you had nobody else to lean on and you were coming to terms with the reality that you had to start leaning on each other.

"Looks like we're finding water your way." You nodded at him, and he returned the gesture.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whilst fighting dehydration, you and Ren search for a source of water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: mentions suicide

Your legs were burning as you trekked across the cold sand. Ren was just as exhausted as you, you could tell, but at least he wasn't suffering from the cold as much. You were growing more and more jealous of his cloak, gloves and multiple layers.

"Do you remember when Master Skywalker would make us study the old Jedi texts? It was so boring, but now I'd do anything to be back there." You didn't expect him to reply. He wasn't keen on being reminded of his past, but you were just trying to distract yourself in the hope that it would make all of this walking easier.

"That makes one of us." To your utmost surprise, he responded with a huff. You would have been happy just talking to yourself.

"Even now you wouldn't trade it in? Look at where we are." You yourself took in the surroundings as you spoke, the desolate frozen wasteland. "There was always water at the temple too." You grumbled, reminding yourself how dehydrated you were.

"It's easy for you to say that, _Jedi._ " His tone was infuriatingly pointed.

"I'm barely a Jedi anymore, thanks to you." The exhaustion and lack of water were beginning to have a very adverse effect on your mood. You couldn't help but lash out.

"You should be thanking me." He scoffed, and you hated that he wasn't joking.

"For which part, Ren? For declaring me to be a criminal? For chasing me across the galaxy to the point where we wound up stranded here? For generally just ruining my life?" You spat, shooting daggers at him.

"I seem to remember that you were the one who stranded us here." He retorted, "if I had my way you would be dead by now and not in a position to blame me for your insolence."

"My insolence." You laughed, dryly. "You're a real piece of work Ren, you know that? I never much cared for Ben Solo, but he was still better than what you've become." You knew any mention of his old name would strike a nerve with him. He had never been anything more than an acquaintance of yours, Ben Solo had always kept himself to himself - he came off as rather cold, but now you understood that he was struggling with his pull to the dark side. However, that never stopped him from being the most powerful student at the temple. After all, he had Skywalker blood.

"Do _not_ mention that name." His usual threats came out at loud roars, but this one was deep and level. You had never seen him shaken like that.

"Or what, you'll kill me? Go ahead, I'm dead either way, and you wouldn't survive another day without me." You were in a hazy spiral. The dehydration, exhaustion, poor company, and general lack of optimism had crushed any hope you had left.

"You will die, Jedi. But not yet." He grumbled.

"Then what's the point in this?" You suddenly stopped, sensing an opportunity. "If I'm going to die either way, why should I bother helping you survive?" Before Ren could make another snarky comment you were jamming your Lightsaber emitter into your neck, finger hovering over the activation button.

"You're bluffing." He narrowed his eyes, but you could sense a minor spike in his anxiety through the Force. Without you, his chances of survival would plummet.

"Search your feelings and tell me again if I'm bluffing." You weren't lying. You wished that you were, but if there truly was no hope of survival for you, you would rather die by your own blade than give Ren the satisfaction of killing you.

He looked as though he was about to open his mouth to respond, but his eyes were drawn to something behind you. Confused, you waited until he met your gaze again, at which point he just pressed a finger to his lips and motioned for you to quietly turn around.

With your interest peaked, you lowered your Saber hilt and looked over your shoulder to see a pack of small animals walking together. They looked like predatory cats, but their ears were far larger and sharper than any similar species you had seen before. Yours and Kylo's presence seemingly didn't bother them as they traversed through the sand, but you assumed that the giant lizards were top of the food chain. If you didn't threaten them, they wouldn't threaten you.

Ren didn't have to say anything for you to work out what he was assuming. They were walking in a pack during the day, most likely to get water. Tabling bargaining for your life for later, you both silently followed the desert cats from a distance.

There was an unresolved tension dancing between you both in the Force. Ren evidently needed you alive, which meant that you still held the upper hand. Just maybe, you could save your own skin from death by decree of the First Order... but first, you had to survive this planet.

Given the way that the planet's sun reflected off the icy sand, you had been trapped under the illusion of seeing water on the horizon for a long time. But now, following this pack, you unmistakably saw what appeared to be a watering hole in the distance.

Out of sheer desperation for hydration, you took off running when you saw it. Surprisingly, Ren followed you - he was definitely suffering more than he was letting on.

When you reached the edge of the watering hole you collapsed to your knees and began furiously scooping water into your mouth. It was cold as ice, but you didn't care. Even when your hands went numb from dipping in the reservoir, you didn't stop. It just felt so good to drink something, and you immediately felt refreshed.

You soon fell back, propping yourself up on your hands behind you. As you glanced over at Ren you were trying to catch your breath, and he wasn't far behind you.

The water was so refreshing and considering that your clothing was still stained with dried blood from your wound, you wanted nothing more than to bathe, or at the very least wash your clothes. After scrambling to survive for more than a whole rotation, you and Ren were both filthy, but on the flip side, it was freezing cold and you didn't want to put yourself in even more discomfort by bathing.

Ren, on the other hand, didn't seem half as concerned as you. He was immediately splashing the liquid ice onto his face, scrubbing the grime off his skin. After a few moments, he caught you staring and looked back at you, his skin reddened from his harsh facial wash.

"What?"

"Nothing... it's just cold."

"Then light a fire." Without a second thought, he stood up and dropped his cloak. You thought he must have been crazy to even dream of getting into the water, but you knew he had the right idea. The wound in your shoulder needed cleaning, and so did your clothes if you wanted to avoid infection.

The watering hole was large enough that you and Ren could have your own space, whilst the pack of desert cats you had followed there remained further away on the other side of the reservoir, peacefully lapping at the water.

As you exhaled a sigh you watched your breath dance through the air in frosty wisps.

'You think you're cold now? Just wait until you're taking a dip in that water.' You thought to yourself.

After gathering a large amount of dry foliage, you piled it up at the waterside and lit the fire. The warmth was immediately soothing, and it was seeming more and more inviting to just remain there rather than join the Supreme Leader.

Reluctantly, you rose to your feet and searched around for Ren. You saw a pile of robes a few feet away, and in the water you could see him, largely submerged. Knowing that you had to bite the bullet sooner rather than later, you approached the edge of the watering hole and placed your Lightsaber down by Ren's. In one swift movement, you dived into the water, still fully clothed.

A cold burn hit you, your muscles seizing up. You had to force your limbs to move and bring your head back above the surface. Gasping for breath you pushed the wet locks of hair away from your face and glanced over at Ren. Whereas the water came up past your chest, exposing only your shoulders and head, less of him was submerged.

You could see that the top half of his chest which was littered with scars. You knew that he hadn't had many of those when he'd been at the Jedi Temple and wondered how he'd amassed so many over the years. You didn't doubt that he would wonder the same about you.

Once upon a time, your lives had been destined to go down the same route. You were both set to be amongst the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy, but years down the line he was leading the opposition whilst you were just a survivor of a dead order.

As your body slowly adjusted to the temperature, you watched the blood from your clothing begin to seep out into the otherwise crystal clear water. Reluctantly, you stripped underwater and held your clothes there to properly scrub at them. You could feel the cold biting your bare skin, and a pair of eyes fixated on you.

"It'll scar." His deep voice caught your attention, and you looked over at him. It was painfully obvious that you were both keeping a conscious distance from one another. You didn't like being in each other's company as it was, but this was a more initiate setting than you had ever imagined finding yourself in with Kylo Ren.

"I'll take that over the alternative." You sighed, moving to place your freshly cleaned clothing at the edge of the bank beside Ren's, making sure to keep your body largely submerged. "Until last night I'd never been hit by a Lightsaber... I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later. It hurts though." You were desperate to fill the silence as you both stared at each other from a few feet apart.

"Let me see it." He said, surprisingly gently as he waded towards you until he was in reaching distance. He slowly reached out and allowed his fingers to brush over the wound, which was just peeking out from the waterline. The one perk of the cold water was that it soothed the pain in your shoulder, practically numbing the damaged skin. As his calloused fingers ghosted over your skin you felt goosebumps rising in their wake.

As he examined it, you caught a glimpse of a similar wound on his own shoulder which connected to the scar on his face. You had never realised that the scar splitting his face had travelled down that far, but now you could put two and two together.

"I'm guessing you know how it feels to be burnt by a Saber." As you spoke his gaze remained fixed on your shoulder. You knew that he wasn't examining your wound anymore, his body stiffening as you spoke said enough.

"I do." He responded, and you knew better than to press any further. When silence fell, he withdrew from you and you felt your body relax. His presence had always been domineering, but in that intimate moment, it wasn't so much in an intimidating way. You couldn't quite explain it, but it was the first time you had felt something other than resent in the air between the two of you.

When he moved to get out of the water and retreat to the blazing fire on land, you turned your back to respect his privacy. You only turned around when you were certain that he was dressed and sat by the fire, both drying off and warming up.

There was little choice when it came to drying yourself. You knew that you'd have to put on your wet clothes and let the heat of the fire dry you off.

When Ren caught your gaze, he shifted in his spot to turn his back on you. You appreciated the silent agreement to give each other enough privacy to preserve some of your dignity. Although very little about bathing in a freezing cold lake on a desolate planet was dignified.

It was almost worse getting out of the water than it was going in. Your body had adjusted to the temperature by this point, and the cold air hitting you once again had you shivering within seconds.

You hastily pulled your clothes back on, but they provided you with no relief from the cold since they were still dripping wet. With your teeth chattering, you threw yourself down by the fire opposite Ren, who turned back to face you when he heard you sit down.

He didn't look so cold himself, but his clothes had been dry when he got out of the water. He also had so many layers that you continued to envy.

"Here." He said, rummaging through the bag of supplies to dig out the blanket. He tossed it at you, and you didn't bother to question his sudden generosity until you had the extra layer of warmth wrapped around your shoulders.

You thought about what would possess him to show you any kind of selflessness. Not long ago he had been reminding you that one way or another he would see you dead. But that's when it struck you.

"It's self-preservation, isn't it." You said in a flat tone.

"What is?" Despite questioning you, you knew that he could tell what you were talking about.

"Suddenly caring about my wellbeing. You know that you'll die without me, so you're keeping him me in good health... like I'm just another tool in that survival kit of yours." You didn't sound angry, more just disheartened. To know that your life had boiled down to being a glorified fire-lighter was quite demoralising.

He remained silent for a few moments, his gaze cast on the embers. Self-preservation was far more important to Kylo than he let on. He had created a legacy for himself in the galaxy, and he wasn't prepared to give that up by dying an insignificant death on a random planet in the outer rim. He was willing to put his pride aside where you were concerned if it ensured his own survival.

"If you work with me to survive this, you'll live." After uttering those words he finally broke away from looking at the fire to meet your gaze, "you have my word."

Did you trust Kylo Ren? No. Did his word mean anything sincere to you? Absolutely not. But did you have any other viable options to keep yourself alive? None at all.

"I'll work with you Ren, but I refuse to survive and be a prisoner of the First Order. If we make it out of this, I want my freedom." It may have been foolish to push your luck, but you had nothing to lose by bargaining with him.

"So you can build a new Jedi Order and oppose me? You must think me a fool." He hissed, quietly.

"I thought you would have realised by now that I have no interest in fighting a war." Your tone came out harsher than intended, and you fell silent for a moment, the only audible sound being the gentle crackle of the flames. "The Jedi are dead, Ren. I just want to live and die in peace." You eventually sighed, pulling the blanket tighter around your shoulders.

He considered your words for a moment, but he sensed the sincerity in them. Too much of your life had been spent on the run, jumping from planet to planet, constantly looking over your shoulder and sleeping with one eye open. You had been loyal to the Jedi, but you knew to pick your battles... and this wasn't one you could win.

"Very well."

You were surprised by his response, your eyes widening slightly as you processed his words. You could feel it through the Force: he was telling the truth. There was a new determination filling your veins, the notion of not caring whether you lived or died was gone. Now you had something to live for and fight for.

After so long, the man who had been relentlessly hunting you was offering you your freedom.

You used the Force to pull some more foliage towards the fire, strengthening the flames. This was your silent agreement to his deal, to which he nodded.

The sun was setting at this point. Between scavenging for supplies in your ships, being forced out of your cavern, trekking to find water, and taking an ice bath, you were exhausted.

"It's not safe to sleep out here." You sighed, your muscles screaming at the mere thought of getting up and walking to find alternative shelter.

"We can sleep in shifts. Now that we've found water we may as well stay near it." He grunted, but you raised an eyebrow at him.

"What about the scorpions?" That was the most obvious pitfall to you. With nightfall fast approaching you were certain that those hordes of bugs would return to try and feast on yours and Ren's flesh.

"The fire should keep them at bay."

"Should?"

"Do I look like an entomologist to you?"

"You don't even look like you would know that word in the first place."

"Just go to sleep, Jedi. I'll wake you if anything happens."

With a reluctant sigh, you nestled down onto the sand, keeping the blanket pulled tightly around your body. Now that you and your clothes were dry, you were a lot comfier. The warmth of the fire and the blanket were also helping with that. The sand didn't make for the comfiest bed, but it was much less unforgiving than the rock hard cavern floor. Besides, you were so exhausted that you likely could have fallen asleep anywhere.

"Wake me in a few hours and we'll swap." You mumbled, your eyes already shut.

In a mere day, you and Ren had gone from not being able to sleep for fear of the other killing you, to keeping watch for one another. It wasn't much, but it was progress.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sandstorm forces you and Kylo to find shelter in the middle of the night.

"Get up."

A harsh shake of your shoulder violently jolted you out of your deep slumber. Your eyes snapped open to immediately see Ren leaning over you.

"Something's happening." He urged as you sat up, trying to get your bearings. 

"What?" Was all you managed to mumble in your groggy state.

The entire desert was cast under the gleam of moonlight now. Everything seemed quiet, and the fire was still blazing. You couldn't quite work out what the big crisis was.

"I felt the presence of the scorpions. They were just outside of the light, waiting. But they're gone." He hastily explained, and you wondered if his own fatigue was causing some paranoia.

"So? They probably just found something else to eat." You let out a long yawn.

"No. We need to find shelter." You were so disorientated that you didn't share Ren's premonition of danger.

"Do you think you're maybe being overdramatic?" You hauled yourself to your feet when he stood up, but that's when you felt it.

A breeze, only slight, nipped at your bare arms. You narrowed your eyes and used the Force to reach out through the planet. Dozens of lifeforms were fleeing either underground or towards the mountains. You recognised these patterns of weather and behaviour from Florrum.

"Sandstorm. We had them on Florrum all the time."

"Let's go." Now that you were on board, Ren wasted no time in snatching the blanket you had been huddled under off the floor and stuffing it back into the bag. You then both grabbed your Lightsabers and took off running towards the mountains.

They weren't far away, but it wasn't easy trying to sprint across sand. To add insult to injury, the winds were rapidly picking up, grains of sand beginning to dance through the air. Both you and Ren held your forearms in front of your faces to shield your eyes from the unforgiving environment, but it wasn't long before the sandstorm started to overwhelm you and you were forced to go from running to walking.

It quickly became almost impossible to push against the wind, and it was so cold that every grain of sand which hit you felt like a tiny dagger scratching against your skin. You weren't sure that you were even heading in the right direction.

Daring to look up for a split second and expose your eyes to the storm, you caught sight of the mountains, they were still dangerously far away. Back on Florrum, you had always been warned by your pirate allies to never venture out during a sandstorm. Apparently, people who did never came back. Now there was that same danger, but it was multiplied by the harsh climate.

"Ren!" You couldn't spot him but still sensed his presence nearby.

The cold was breaking through your skin and chilling you right down to your bones. Your body was begging you to stop moving so it could seize up and accept its fate. After a few more difficult steps, you were ready to give up on pushing against the wind and drop to the ground. The cold burn of the gale and sand on your skin was putting you in agony, discomfort which was matched only by your body violently shivering.

Your brain was the next thing to start short-circuiting. No matter how hard you tried to concentrate on getting to cover, your thoughts were disintegrating. If the crash, creatures, dehydration or starvation hadn't killed you, this sandstorm certainly might have done.

Now totally lost with your bearings and your body on the brink of collapse, you saw no light at the end of the tunnel. Only when a gloved hand tightly grasped your own and began pulling you in a certain direction did you come slightly back into awareness.

You could vaguely see the outline of Ren leading you through the storm. He was using his body to largely shield you, and with him pulling you along your legs were forced to work despite being practically numb.

The further you delved into the mountains, the more you felt the storm ease up. The icy peaks were providing mediocre cover for you both, but it wouldn't be enough for you to survive the night. Ren could tell just by glancing back to look at you that you were dangerously cold. He wasn't faring much better himself, but he at least had his robes to protect him. You were still dressed for Florrum, the skin on your exposed arms looked like it was cracking from how dry it was, and the wound on your shoulder looked equally bad, if not worse.

"Here." He unclipped his cloak and wrapped it around your shoulders. It provided some mild relief for your arms and shoulders.

You couldn't even stammer a thank you, you simply pulled the fabric as tightly around you as possible with your free hand. Ren then pulled you off in search of a cave to take shelter in, although you could both sense numerous life forms in the surrounding area, so finding something uninhabited wasn't going to be easy.

Time passed, you weren't sure how much. It felt like you were trapped in this one moment of Ren pulling you through the sandstorm.

_Focus..._

You repeated to yourself in your head, willing your limbs to retake control of themselves rather than making Ren pull you to your destination. When you squeezed his hand he briefly turned to you and took this as a sign that you were coming back into full consciousness. His cloak was annoyingly warm, you were jealous that he'd been wearing this the entire time.

"In here." You were relieved to hear him say as he pulled you into a cave. You must have been deep into the mountains by now.

The second you were out of the storm you fell to your knees in an attempt to regain your composure and catch your breath. You were vaguely aware of Ren leaning against the wall of the cave in your peripherals as he tried to do the same as you.

You were just about to express how lucky you were to both be alive when you heard a low hiss echoing through the darkness. Clearly, you had been ready to speak too soon.

Exchanging a weary glance, you both drew your Sabers. As you held your blade up to try and light up the area you noticed your arms shaking, you weren't sure what kind of creature was about to attack you and frankly, you didn't know how long you could last in a fight.

With the combined lights of both of your Sabers, you could see a large serpent unravelling itself and beginning to slither towards you.

The beast was a predator, clearly high up the food chain. At lightning speed is slithered around you both, not only surrounding you but also blocking the exit. Its body was larger than either of you, and you couldn't even begin to see how long it was.

"Got a plan?" Your voice came out far hoarser than you had expected.

"Kill it." Acting as his usual impulsive and brash self, Ren plunged his Saber into the serpent's body.

"Wait don't-" you tried to stop him knowing that the creature would lash out, but it was too late. It let out a high-pitched shrieking sound and immediately shot over to attack Ren.

He dodged as best as he could, but as its mighty jaws darted towards him a second time he fell back against its body which was continuing to coil around you both, closing in. It had coiled so tightly now that the entrance to the cave was once again visible. When you saw Ren falter and the creature's fangs come close to finishing him once and for all you sped in and blocked its mouth with your blade.

After a minor struggle, you then felt something wrap around your ankles. Before you could cut it off it threw you right out of the cave and back outside. You landed with a thud, inhaling a lungful of sand on impact. You forced yourself to clamber to your feet, and from inside you heard a roar of pain from Ren. Knowing that if you didn't act quickly he'd be a dead man, you scrambled to your feet, trying to ignore the harsh storm and your own spluttering as you attempted to expel the sand from your lungs.

You saw the serpent's tail slithering back into the darkness having just thrown you out. It knew that it couldn't kill you both, so it had chosen Ren as its prey. Before it could fully disappear you latched onto it using the Force and pulled with all your might to get the creature out of the cave. It was resisting, but you channelled all of your energy into one massive pull, a powerful yell escaping your lips as you did so.

The gesture only exasperated the ache in your limbs, and it made your head pound with unbearable pain. But you had to focus, it was focus or death.

When the serpent landed on the sand opposite you there was no time to catch your breath, you had to prepare yourself to kill it. You turned to the creature, summoning your Saber to your hand. It flew towards you from inside the cave and you raised it across your face in a defensive stance.

The storm was intolerable, but your mind was focused on Ren back in the cave... if he was still alive. You had to push any of your own discomforts aside for him, although you were still sceptical that he would do the same if the roles were reversed.

To your utmost surprise, the serpent seemed to struggle with the sandstorm more than you. It shrieked and writhed as the icy sand scratched at its skin. You were lucky now that a majority of your skin was protected by Ren's cloak.

It looked at you, then at the cave as if it were considering if this meal was worth the fight or not. You noticed that there was a sizzling Saber wound just above its eyes which gave you hope that Ren was alive. After a beat, it burrowed into the sand, presumably to slither away and find cover somewhere else. You couldn't have been more relieved to see it flee.

With no second to spare, you stumbled back into the cave to not only check on Ren but also to shelter yourself from being in the storm for any longer. On Florrum they used to come on suddenly and could last anywhere from a few hours to days.

You kept your Saber lit so you could get a good look at the Supreme Leader, who you found slumped against the wall. He had his hand pressed against his thigh, and in the bask of blue light from your blade you could see a heavy stream of thick blood trailing from his leg.

"Kriff." You swore, throwing yourself down beside him the second you laid eyes on him. A few days ago you'd have been happy to see him heading towards an inevitable death, but now your heart was in your mouth as you brushed his hand away to take a look at his wound.

The serpent's fang had evidently sunk into his thigh. The wound looked deep, but it was hard to tell just how deep it went with the amount of blood that was oozing from it. Inhaling a sharp breath you gently took his hand and placed it back over his thigh.

"Hey, look at me-" you could see his face losing colour, his eyes clinging to consciousness. One of your hands grazed his cheek to encourage him to look at you, which he did. "Keep pressure on it, I'm going to get the med-kit." You spoke slowly, making sure he understood. He gave a weak nod and you noticed his arm tense as he used what little strength he had to put pressure on his leg.

First, it was your shoulder, and now Ren's leg. You wondered how long it would be until this planet managed to kill you both.

You found the bag of First Order emergency supplies tossed aside near where he was sitting. You rummaged through to find the small med-kit and rushed back over to him. You could tell that the blood loss was causing him to dip in and out of consciousness. He was also shivering and you had no ability to light a fire since there was nothing to burn, and you didn't fancy your chances going out into the storm to gather foliage.

You unclipped his cloak from around you, and immediately felt the harsh bite of the cold once your arms and shoulders were exposed again. Nevertheless, you knew that he needed it more. Moving him forward slightly you wrapped the cloak around him and allowed him to slump back again, hoping that the extra layer would provide him with some mild relief as it did for you.

"So ruling the galaxy, what's that like?" You hastily asked him, knowing that keeping him talking was the best way to keep him conscious and distract him whilst you cleaned the wound.

You gently moved his hand away to thankfully find the wound starting to naturally clot. Inside the med-kit, there were bacta patches, rubbing alcohol, gauze, and stitching supplies.

"Exhausting." He mumbled, his eyes flickering as he willed them to stay open. His answer piqued your interest, but you knew that it was a conversation for another time.

By no means were you medically trained, but you knew enough... at least you hoped you did. You tore a larger hole in his trousers to give yourself better access to the wound, but not so large that it would ruin his clothes entirely - you knew that he'd been needing to wear those for the foreseeable future. Soaking a piece of gauze in rubbing alcohol you then began to clean a majority of the blood away as gently as you could. This immediately earned a hiss of pain from Ren.

"I know, I'm sorry-" you attempted to comfort him, pressing on with the cleaning regardless of the pain he was in.

"I hate this planet." He grunted through his discomfort. His voice was hoarse, you could tell that he was barely holding it together. Your eyes remained focused on his wound, but you could tell that his gaze was fixed on you.

"If you hate it _that_ much, I could just let you die." You snorted. Whereas that kind of comment was usually an insult, you were taking pity on him on this occasion and spoke in a somewhat teasing tone.

He let out a quiet laugh, one which was immediately followed by another grunt of pain as you began stitching up the wound. "You wouldn't survive a day here alone."

You were both exchanging the same cutting words as usual, but they were losing their edge.

Stitching his wound required a lot of concentration. It wasn't at all a pleasant task, and you never had been the biggest fan of blood and gore... but mind over matter.

"Then I'll count myself lucky I can stitch a wound up." You finished the task in question and admired your handiwork. The stitches were large and messy, it certainly wasn't the medical care the Supreme Leader was used to you, but he wasn't bleeding so you took that as a victory.

You finished up by slipping a bacta patching under the fabric of his trousers and onto his damaged skin. There was a small spike in the Force, and you knew it was coming from him as he felt the immediate pain relief from the bacta.

The two of you sat silently for a few moments, just looking at one another. His face was lit up by the blue hue of your Saber, but from what you could tell the colour was coming back to his skin now that you'd stopped the bleeding. You did notice, however, that he was still shivering. Whilst it was internally nice to see him be the cold one for once, you were concerned that it was linked to his injury, which could mean a fever from infection.

"Sun will be up in a few hours." You didn't intend for it to, but your voice came out as a whisper.

"You go back to sleep, I'll keep watch." He tried to insist, but it was a wasted effort. You had already gotten a few hours sleep back by the watering hole and even now you were exhausted. Ren hadn't slept at all so you couldn't imagine how he must have been feeling.

"The storm's not stopping anytime soon, no creature would dare travel through it. We can both sleep." You shuffled back over to the bag of supplies and put the med-kit away, pulling out the blanket in its place.

When you turned back to Ren, even in the low light, you had never seen him look so vulnerable. He was huddled up with his cloak pulled as tightly around his broad shoulder as possible. You cursed your Jedi instincts for making you want to be selfless.

"Here." You said, motioning for him to lay down, which he did. You then draped the blanket over him and moved a few feet away from him to lay down yourself.

When you deactivated your Saber, you were plunged into darkness. The only sound was the whistling of the violent storm raging outside. Of course, lying curled up on the unforgiving ground with no extra layers or fire to keep you warm meant that you were shivering just as much as Ren, but you couldn't risk him catching a fever with that wound. Although you were sporting your own shoulder injury, it wasn't half as bad as his thigh.

You were exhausted, but even when you squeezed your eyes shut sleep wouldn't come to you. Your mind was abuzz with the one consuming thought that you might not make it through the night in this cold. Part of you was convinced you'd get frostbite.

"You're thinking loudly." Ren's mumble broke through the darkness.

"Then don't read my mind and go to sleep." You didn't snap at him, your words came out more like a sigh.

"I'm not, you're projecting."

You went silent, wondering if that were true. Ben Solo had always been more talented than anyone at the temple when it came to reading the thoughts of others, despite Master Skywalker discouraging such unethical practises. Reading minds had never been your forte, but it was clearly his.

"Then I'll try to keep it down." You eventually responded, unsure of how to even do so.

After a few moments of your teeth chattering and your mind most likely still projecting you heard Ren's voice again.

"Just come over here."

You didn't bother complaining, and when you shuffled over to join him under the blanket any apprehension about sleeping so close to your enemy left you. Between his body heat and the extra layer, you were immediately soothed.

Despite the blanket not being very large, there was still a very deliberate gap between you both. It wasn't a huge gap, but enough to silently agree that you weren't huddling up by choice.

Now that your body temperature was evening out, you found your exhaustion was finally able to take over and you slipped into a deep slumber with Ren breathing softly behind you.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally try to adjust to life on the desolate planet and Kylo Ren's company, but a discovery throws a spanner in the works.

You were reluctant to move. On the contrary, Ren's body heat was so inviting that you had managed to snuggle up towards him in your sleep. Your eyes took a moment to adjust to the light seeping in through the cave's opening, and once they had, you sat up. As the blanket slipped away from your shoulders you immediately shivered. 

A groan came from the body behind you and you felt more of the blanket being tugged away. You glanced down at Ren, whose eyes were still squeezed shut. In your absence, he had pulled the blanket tighter around himself to make up for the lost heat.

You knew that sleep would be the best medicine for his injury right now, so you forwent the warmth and gently shuffled out from under the blanket and left him to sleep for a bit longer. 

When you stuck your head out of the cave's entrance you were relieved to see that the sandstorm had settled and the atmosphere was calm again. Although you didn't like the idea of leaving Ren injured and alone, you couldn't fight how hungry and thirsty you were feeling.

"Hey, Ren." You crouched beside him and whispered. Your hand reached out on instinct to stroke his cheek to gently lull him out of his slumber, but you paused when you remembered who it was lying in front of you. He didn't stir, and you pulled your hand away from where it was hovering above his face. He looked so peaceful as he slept, his chest steadily rising and falling. Not for one minute would you believe that he was the most dangerous man in the galaxy.

"I'm going out hunting." You decided to tell him, hoping that somewhere in his subconscious he would hear it.

Rising to your feet you summoned your Lightsaber to your hand and attached it to your waist. Before leaving you took the empty flask from the survival kit and shot another glance at Ren. He seemed so comfortable under the blanket that you didn't think he would mind you take an extra layer. Using the Force, you very carefully slipped his cloak off his shoulders and secured it around your own. Surprisingly, he still barely stirred, merely grunted and turned around to sleep on his opposite side.

You left the cave, a shiver running up your spine as the icy air hit you. After the sandstorm, you needed a moment to get your bearings. You had no idea how far you and Ren had travelled the night before, but you could sense the direction you had come from, so you took off walking back towards the watering hole.

The fresh air gave you some much needed time to think. You noticed the wound in your shoulder was still far from fully healed, and now you had an injured Supreme Leader on your hands. Neither of you could keep on the constant move around this planet without exhausting yourselves. You just needed to find a way to fortify your cave and perhaps make it a bit more comfortable.

Lost in your thoughts, it felt like no time at all before you reached the watering hole. You weren't as dehydrated as you'd been the day before, but that didn't stop you from throwing yourself to your knees and using your hands to drink as much water as you could. Once you felt quenched, you filled up the flask to take back to Ren.

Meanwhile, back in the cave, he was waking up not long after you had left. Kylo vaguely remembered losing your warmth, plus you mentioning something about hunting. Nevertheless, he thought some time alone would give him a chance to look at the communicator he had taken from his wreckage.

The moment he moved, his leg was burning. The bacta that you had put on it was wearing off. With a small huff of pain, he shifted to sit up noticing that his cloak was gone. He was glad you had taken it, he didn't like the thought of you suffering in the cold whilst you hunted. But it did cross his mind as to why he cared if you were cold or not. He expelled the notion just as quickly as he thought of it.

Reaching into the survival kit he found the communicator buried right at the bottom. He was relieved that you hadn't found it up until this point. Kylo questioned his own motives for keeping it a secret from you, but he knew that you were most likely going to jump to the conclusion that he was trying to summon the First Order to your aid behind your back, and when they arrive he would break his word and either kill you or take you prisoner.

But... was that not what he was planning on doing? Yesterday when he had sworn your safety, you had been right not to trust him, but now he felt different. You could have left him at that serpent's mercy, but you had done everything in your power to save his life. He knew that you didn't need him as much as he needed you - after all, you were the only with the ability to light fires. Perhaps it had just been your Jedi instinct to save him, but even if that were the case could he really betray you after that? He wasn't sure of the answer to his own question.

'Just focus on the task at hand,' he thought to himself as he pried the device open.

Although he was no expert, he could tell that the internal circuits were absolutely fried, and he silently cursed the EMP you had detonated. He tinkered with the device for a few minutes, reconnecting wires and tuning it to the First Order's wavelength until it was fashioned into a beacon. Power was still the problem, he needed to jump-start the device to get it working.

He summoned his Saber to his hand and reconnected a few wires so they were plugged into the beacon. He had no idea if this would work or not, but the only source of power was his kyber crystal. When he unveiled the crystal's chamber in his Saber hilt, its red glow stung his eyes for a brief second. The crack in the middle of the crystal was evident from where he had bled it all of those years ago.

Kylo focused on his connection to his crystal and began channelling its energy into the beacon. Sure enough, the device powered up and he was more proud of himself than he would ever admit. However, that feeling was fleeting as it only took him a few moments to realise that the device wasn't picking up any signals, which meant it had no way of functioning.

With a frustrated grumble, he tore the beacon apart from his Lightsaber and tossed it aside. If he had been back on his star destroyer he would have drawn his Saber and torn some equipment to pieces by now. Now he was relieved that he hadn't mentioned the beacon to you and caused any unnecessary conflict.

For the first time since he had arrived, it dawned on Kylo that he truly might die on this planet alongside the woman he had wanted dead.

Since crashing he had been driving himself forwards on the knowledge that he would be back on his throne at the end of it all. Suddenly that confidence was torn away from him, and he felt... _vulnerable._

His head fell back against the cavern's wall and his gloved hands clenched. With a guttural roar, he slammed his fist into the ground, and the pain shooting up his arm surprisingly soothed him slightly. Perhaps it was time to accept his fate. All the work he had done to conquer the galaxy and destroy those who oppose him seemed so pointless now.

He hadn't felt this defeated in as long as he could remember.

Blissfully unaware of the harsh reality of your situation dawning on Kylo back in the cave, you were silently stalking some prey. It wasn't in your nature to revel in killing innocent creatures, but this was a game of survival.

You found a desert cat wandering across the sand alone, separated from its pack. With a heavy heart, you took ahold of it with the Force and snapped its neck as quickly and painlessly as you could. When you dropped its body you found your hand shaking, it went against every one of your instincts. Killing creatures which were attacking you in self-defence felt entirely different to this, but you were forced to shake the feeling off. It was this or starve - this was the natural order of nature, predator and prey.

You walked back to the cave, using the Force to carry the creature's body behind you as you struggled with your arms full of foliage to burn. When you got back you were feeling much more optimistic. An idea had struck you that could help you both feel a bit more comfortable in the cave. Just because the planet was miserable that didn't mean you had to live a miserable life there.

"You're awake." You tried to even address Ren in an upbeat tone. If you acted happier, you hoped that the feeling itself would follow, maybe even rub off on him.

He just grunted in response, refusing to look at you.

"I know your default mood is grouchy, but this is overkill." You snorted, dropping the animal carcass and foliage in favour of crouching by him. "Is it your leg?" You calmly asked, attempting to peel back the bacta patch to take a look at your dodgy stitching.

"No, it's fine." He gave a stock response but still didn't stop you from removing the bacta and replacing it with a fresh patch. Despite your messy stitching the wound still looked a hell of a lot better than it had the night before.

"Then what's wrong?" You sighed, unclipping the full flask from your belt to hand to him.

He didn't respond, too transfixed on the water. You allowed him to gulp plenty of it down and busied yourself building the fire. Part of you didn't expect him to reply, you'd learnt over the past few days that communication wasn't one of his strengths.

As expected there was silence whilst you used the Force to light the fire. When the flames began to warm you up you dropped Ren's cloak from your shoulders and silently passed it back to him, but he shook his head.

"Keep it, I'm fine."

You decided not to question his sudden generosity.

"Thanks." You wrapped it back around your shoulders. The extra layer would never go amiss in this climate. "Are you hungry?" You knew the answer, but you couldn't bear the silence that was hanging in the air.

He nodded, shuffling forwards to sit nearer the fire. A sigh left your lips, it really did feel like you were talking to a brick wall so eventually, you accepted the silence.

You noticed the way his eyes followed every one of your movements as you used your Saber to skin the beast you had brought back and carve the meat. It wasn't the most practical cooking utensil, but it was all you had, and it worked. You handed him a slab of meat on a stick and he muttered a thank you as he took it.

"I've been thinking about making this place a bit more comfortable." You made one last-ditch attempt to make conversation.

"Why bother?" He looked away from you and focused on watching his food cook.

"Because even though you're going to tell me that we won't be here for long and that the First Order will be coming for you, I'd rather not sleep on the ground until then."

"We're going to die here, Jedi. What's the difference between dying sleeping on the ground and dying sleeping on a bed?"

His words took you aback. You had noticed his quiet confidence up until now, he had been convinced that this was only a temporary setback, but now you could see him coming to terms with the harsh reality that you had been facing for the past few days.

"Why the sudden change of heart? You were so convinced that they were coming for you."

"Reality caught up with me." The fist not holding his food clenched, and you couldn't help but pity him a bit. He had a lot more to lose than you in death.

"Ren." You forced him to look at you, and you could see the growing vulnerability in his eyes. "I admit that this whole situation looks pretty bleak, and neither of us would ever choose to be stuck with each other, but there's no way of knowing that we'll be stuck here forever. If by the worst luck in the galaxy we are, then we may as well try and make it mildly less shitty."

He exhaled a frustrated sigh, "your optimism disturbs me."

"And your bad attitude is starting to piss me off." You mocked him, biting into your food when you deemed it was cooked all the way through. You wondered if it was his wounded leg that had put him in such a sour mood, but you weren't willing to put up with it for the rest of your days.

"Fine, then tell me what you have in mind." He spoke through gritted teeth, to which you just rolled your eyes.

"This cave isn't far from the watering-hole, and when I was out hunting I recognised the route back to our ships, they're maybe an hours walk." You paused to take another bite of meat.

"And?" He prompted, despite it being plainly obvious that you were stopping to eat, not to create suspense.

" _And,_ I'm suggesting we tear those wreckages to shreds. We can shape the durasteel into useful tools, maybe even fashion some kind of door to keep creatures out at night. I thought that with some adjustments the seats would be better for sleeping on than the ground... warmer too."

Kylo looked at you, lost deep in his own thoughts momentarily. Whereas your survival instincts were becoming clear, he was realising that his were practically non-existent. In that sense, he almost envied you. He had forced you to live a life on the run and because of that, you seemed able to adapt to any environment and somehow still see the light at the end of the tunnel.

You clearly weren't quite the Jedi you once had been, but he could still see the fire in your eyes, the determination to survive. When you had threatened to end your life if he didn't offer you your freedom he still hadn't seen that spark disappear. You fought for your survival and weren't prepared to stop now. Meanwhile, he had fought to rule the galaxy and without that, he felt lost.

"That'll take a long time." He couldn't help but point out, thinking about how many trips to and from the wreckages it would take to transport everything.

"Have you got something better to do?" You raised an eyebrow, and he bit the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from responding with a snarky insult.

"I guess not."

"I'll start moving things across soon, you need to stay off that leg for today at least." You nodded towards his wound.

Part of Kylo wanted to embrace this situation and try and lighten up, but he was still reeling in the frustration of the beacon not working. He was finding it hard to think about any future that didn't involve returning to the First Order. Perhaps if he continued to convince himself that somehow they would find him he would able to keep a more level head.

You finished eating and tossed the stick aside, making a mental note to find some kind of edible plants on this planet. You couldn't go on just on a diet of meat. Glancing over at Kylo you noticed that he'd also finished eating, but something still seemed off about him. You were beginning to think there was more to it than just his wound bothering him.

"If you weren't here, what would you be doing right now?" You asked, hoping that he would answer you with more than a grunt.

"Overseeing a briefing of some description."

"That sounds _thrilling_." You snorted, and he finally seemed to lighten up at that.

"And what would you be doing that's so interesting?"

"Probably helping the pirates on Florrum steal something to keep buying myself their protection." You shrugged.

"They sold you out." He admitted, and you rolled your eyes.

"Of course they did." You sighed, shaking your head, I'm sure you compensated them."

"Very generously."

"Funny how they're better off than both of us now. It was a waste of money if you ask me, Ren."

"Perhaps. Why did you go to Florrum in the first place?" Seemingly, the conversation was snapping him out of his bad mood. The fact that he was speaking somewhat openly to you gave you hope that your foreseeable future on this planet would only be mildly awful.

"I figured it was the last place you'd look for me, and that the pirates wouldn't give me up provided I help them make more credits. Clearly, I was wrong about that last part. You finally caught up with me."

"I spent years tracking you down. When the Resistance was eliminated once and for all I had expected to find you working with them, it was just by chance that the pirates gave you up."

"Joining the Resistance wasn't an option for me." You had considered it, more than once, but your life had become more about self-preservation than it had selflessly helping others - you were ashamed to admit that. "I didn't want to fight a losing battle."

"If you had been there it may not have been a losing battle." Not for one second did Ren want you to have been apart of the Resistance, he was simply playing devil's advocate.

"Then count yourself lucky." You let out a dry laugh. "Sometimes you need to put yourself first, sometimes you need to put others first. In that case, I put myself first."

"You've changed a lot." He was calling back to your days as a Jedi padawan when, admittedly, you had been one of the most selfless and caring people at the temple.

"That's rich coming from you." A hint of a smirk formed on your lips, but he just scowled back. You could tell that he wasn't actually angry at you.

"Are we the only two left?" You suddenly asked him, your tone dipping.

"You're the only one left." He corrected you. As far as he was concerned Ben Solo was dead along with the other Jedi. You couldn't deny the anger that built up when you thought about your life at the temple and fellow padawans being cruelly torn away from you.

"You ruined my life, you know that?" The mood had turned sour, you couldn't meet his gaze as you grumbled. Staring into the flames made you cast your mind back to the night the temple fell in a blazing fire. For years after that fateful night, you had heard the screams of the other padawans every time you closed your eyes.

"I know." He didn't sound at all guilty, but you didn't expect him to. "How did you escape the temple?" You could tell that he had been wanting to ask that question for a long time, but those were memories you had buried long ago.

"It doesn't matter. My survival did no good for the Jedi, you still got what you wanted."

"And what is it you think I wanted?"

"Some kind of twisted revenge against your uncle?" You shrugged, the motion sparking a stinging pain in your injured shoulder. "To rule the galaxy?"

He didn't respond, just slowly nodded, calculating your words. You had tried so hard to expel your hatred of Kylo Ren over the years but never succeeded. Now you found yourself between two minds about it. He was still the tyrant who had ruthlessly hunted you across the galaxy, but you had witnessed a more vulnerable side to him. He had saved your life, and you had saved his. Was it really just self-preservation?

"You got everything you wanted." You were the one to break the silence. Despite your words being bitter, your tone didn't reflect that. You felt deflated, and you couldn't be angry at Kylo Ren anymore, not when you hadn't put up a fight against him. He was right, perhaps if you had fought against the First Order, or back at the temple, things could have been different. "But I suppose it didn't turn out to be as fulfilling as you'd expected."

"What do you-" He began to question your judgement, but you interrupted.

"-Last night when I was cleaning your wound. You told me that being the Supreme Leader is exhausting." Your comment was merely an observation, little did you know just how correct it was.

"It was never going to be easy." He admitted, "but it's what I wanted."

"Past tense." You pointed out, and he huffed in response. Perhaps up until now, you hadn't put up any kind of fight against the First Order, but you were now in the unique position where the Supreme Leader was stuck with only you for company. You could at least try and have a positive effect on him. "Have you ever considered that maybe there's more to life than ruling the First Order? The galaxy's a big place, I know I've only just scratched the surface of what's out there. Do you ever think that maybe you chose the wrong path?"

He opened his mouth... but closed it again. He was perplexed. Had he ever really chosen his own path, or had his actions been dictated by Snoke and the call of the dark side? Your question opened up a chasm within himself that he wasn't ready to fall into, so he did the logical thing and ignored it.

"I'm going to get more water." He mumbled, struggling to rise to his feet. You watched him wincing in pain as he put pressure on his wound but didn't move to help him - you knew he would only turn down your assistance.

"You need to rest that leg." You let out a sigh, knowing that your arguing would be pointless. Clearly, you had hit a nerve Kylo didn't know he had.

"A walk will do me good." His grumble made it obvious to you that he wouldn't change his mind. You stood up and took the cloak from your shoulders to wrap it around his. "Just be careful, I won't be there to stitch you up this time if you get hurt." You half-teased him, only inches away from his chest as you secured the cloak to his robes.

"I'll be fine." He waved his hand in dismissal as he limped towards the cave's exit, summoning his Saber and then the water flask to his hand. He could barely walk, but that clearly wasn't going to stop him from running the moment the conversation went in a direction he didn't like.

You rolled your eyes and sat back down, wrapping the blanket around your shoulders in place of Kylo's cloak. You figured that this would give you a chance to sit and meditate, you needed to centre your thoughts - they were all over the place, especially where Kylo was concerned. Now, you couldn't tell if you still resented him, or if you only mildly disliked him.

As you crossed your legs and shut your eyes, trying to focus your mind, the only thing your senses picked up was a quiet electrical buzzing noise. Your eyes snapped open and you stood up, trying to locate the source of the sound. Following your ears, you wandered slightly deeper into the cave and saw a small light flashing on the floor. You crouched down to pick it up and walked back to sit by the fire to inspect it.

Whatever it was, it had to have come from Ren. It was no coincidence that something electronic just happened to be in the cave you were staying in. Your time on Florrum surrounded by pirates had taught you a lot more about electronic devices than you had ever expected to know. This you could recognise as a simple communicator, but the wiring had been tampered with. When you opened it up you worked out that it had been fashioned in a beacon... Ren was calling the First Order.

You cast your mind back to the bad mood he had been in when you had returned to the cave, and his words: 'reality caught up with me' You could easily piece the story together. His beacon hadn't worked, but if it had worked was he planning on telling you about it? If he wasn't going to tell you, why not? You could only assume that it was because he intended to betray you when his officers finally found him.

Anger bubbled up inside of you. The moment you felt as though you could begin to trust Ren he ends up going behind your back. You tossed the beacon back into the depths of the cave, this was a betrayal that you needed to process yourself before taking it up with him.

Were you wrong to feel so hurt by it? After all, he was still your enemy, why did you expect any more of him? With a heavy heart, you attempted to push all of it aside temporarily and go back to your meditation. If you dwelled on it, you would only grow to hate Kylo even more, and since you were stuck with him that hatred would do you no good.

It seemed you were back at square one.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't take long for your frustration towards Ren to bubble over, and that path leads you to your shared past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: Kylo Ren gaslighting as a defence mechanism.

'He's been gone for a while, what if he's gotten himself into trouble? But what do I care if he has, I'd be better off without him anyway. Although, without him, I'd have died the night we crashed here. Kriff, who am I kidding? He was only keeping me alive as his glorified fire-lighter.

How could he go behind my back so easily and call the First Order here? I can't believe I'm even asking myself that question, he's Kylo Ren, I shouldn't be at all surprised. In fact, I shouldn't have let my guard down in the first place, I won't make the same mistake twice.

He's an instrument to my survival, and if we make it through this I'll take my freedom one way or the other. He means nothing to me.'

You were so distracted silently arguing with yourself that you couldn't meditate no matter how hard you tried. Whenever you attempted to focus and cleanse your mind, your thoughts would break through and pull you back to the harsh reality that you had been too trusting of Kylo Ren.

As much as you wanted to curse your Jedi instincts for making you lean towards trusting him, you knew that was simply passing the blame. This was your fault alone, you didn't practise the Jedi Code anymore, therefore you could have chosen to remain completely detached from him, and you wish you had.

In any other environment, he couldn't have done or said anything to get you to trust him, so you put it down to circumstance. There was nobody else for you to lean on and talk to here, so naturally, you had gravitated towards your enemy... only for him to go behind your back and try and contact the First Order.

You would have reacted differently if he had told you his intentions. The secrecy was what made you feel uneasy about your own safety, you had no doubt in your mind that had they picked up the beacon, you would have been dead the moment they arrived.

Your fate didn't matter given that the beacon wasn't picking up any signal, but there was no shaking the sour feelings towards Ren.

He returned sometime later. You thought that he must have been gone for about two hours, but your entire concept of time was skewed on this planet - the only thing you could do was distinguish day from night.

"I thought we might need this for tonight." He threw a pile of dried planets onto the ground away from the fire, saving it to burn later.

You decided to give him a taste of his own medicine and merely grunted in response, closing your eyes to appear as though you were meditating from where you sat cross-legged on the ground.

"I refilled the water flask." You could hear him sinking down against the wall. The pain in his leg was jabbing at you through the Force. As predicted, he had only made it worse by going out and walking on it. "Do you want a drink?" His sudden change in attitude confused you, it felt like you had switched roles. Perhaps he had finally accepted your circumstances and was trying to make an effort with you... too little too late in your opinion.

"No." You replied.

He was silent for a moment, but even with your eyes shut you could feel him staring at you in confusion.

"You're not meditating." He eventually said. "I can feel it." His talent for reading minds was increasingly frustrating. The fact that you couldn't keep him out was either an accolade to his power or a pitfall of yours.

"Then tell me what I'm thinking about. Tell me why I'm distracted." Your eyes slowly opened to meet his, your gaze burned into him.

"You feel betrayed. Your thoughts-" he cut himself off, narrowing his eyes. At this point, you could feel him searching your mind for answers. Usually, he wouldn't do such a thing to you, but you had been the one asking him to do it. "-you're thinking about the temple. Why?" He had seen what you wanted him to.

"Look a little closer. You asked me how I survived that night, why don't you find out?" You were setting out to be spiteful. It wasn't at all in your nature to act like this, but this planet was twisting you. Whilst you knew your reaction came from the feeling of betrayal, what you failed to realise was that you _wanted_ to trust Kylo Ren. You wanted desperately to have somebody to lean on and support you through this experience, even your enemy. But forcing yourself to distance from him incited this reaction.

With his curiosity piqued, Kylo delved deeper into your mind. You were careful to keep him on the track you wanted him to be on and within moments he was thrown into one of your memories. Sometimes when he saw people's memories they were hazy, but this was crystal clear... you remembered it like it was yesterday.

_It was late. Despite any weariness from the long day of training, you were out of your hut after hours exploring the grounds surrounding the Jedi Temple. If Master Skywalker caught you there would surely be hell to pay, it was strictly against his rules to venture out after dark, although you were never sure why that was such a strict rule. It wasn't like you couldn't protect yourself._

_The planet was so beautiful, you thought it was a shame that you were confined to the temple grounds. Although the scenery there was lovely, it was nothing like what you could see from a height._

_You had climbed up to the peak of a small summit. From there you could see the entirety of the temple grounds, as well as the surrounding land. With the last few rays of sunlight disappearing over the horizon and the moon climbing higher in the sky the whole landscape became basked in a pale blue light. It was truly picturesque._

_You felt very much at peace when you were alone with your thoughts. You loved being a padawan, and you were happy to have dedicated your life to the new Jedi Order, but you were always yearning for more. You wanted adventure beyond the limits of the temple, you weren't sure what exactly, but every day you felt like you were just scratching the surface of your potential._

_A content sigh left your lips and you fell back onto the grass, staring up at the stars. There were thousands of planets out there, all waiting to be explored. When you were a Jedi in your own right you dreamt of travelling across the galaxy, serving as the peacekeeper you were training to become. That desire for adventure was what had led you to sneak out of your hut that evening, and many other evenings before. You just needed a change of scenery, and deep down part of you liked the feeling of breaking the rules. You had a rebellious spark buried within you._

_You were startled away from your thoughts when an ear-piercing thunderclap tore through your eardrums. Simultaneously, you were blinded by a lightning strike, and you sat up, using your arm to shield your eyes._

_A wave of distress struck you through the Force, sending shivers down your spine. You scrambled to your feet and looked down at the temple in horror. It was pure chaos. The main building was ablaze, and you felt an immediate panic that you had somehow set it alight. Even though you had the power of pyrokinesis, you were quick to calm yourself and recall the lightning strike - it had clearly struck the temple. There was so much pain and fear radiating from your fellow padawans, they were dying... you could feel it._

_Taking off running, you made a beeline back towards the temple to try and help your fellow padawans. As you neared the grounds, you saw a hut in ruins, you recognised it at Ben Solo's. He had always been the strongest amongst you all. You ignored it and continued to race towards the fire. Your head was throbbing with the screams of other padawans echoing through the Force - they were trapped in the fire._

_Master Skywalker had been taking time to train you in pyrokinesis. He taught you that it wasn't just about lighting fires, it was also about controlling and extinguishing them. You knew that somewhere in you was the power to extinguish the fire and possibly save at least some of the padawans trapped in the blaze._

_As you approached the fire, you stopped dead in your tracks when you saw the silhouette of someone in front of the building; they had their back turned to you. At first, you couldn't make out who it was, but they were teeming with dark energy which made you hesitant to approach them - you immediately wondered if they had been the cause of this._

_When the figure spoke, you recognised the voice. It was Ben... Ben whose hut had been destroyed and now was collapsing to his knees in front of the burning temple._

_"I never-" his voice cracked as he faltered. "I never wanted this." He hung his head. You noticed that he was clutching his active Lightsaber in one hand, and at that moment it struck you: where was Master Skywalker?_

_The confusion of seeing Ben, the dark energy rolling off his and your missing master made you feel apprehensive._

_"My Uncle, I know that he deserved it. But I didn't mean for the whole temple to be destroyed." His voice was soft, but that tone was juxtaposed by his apparent actions. You had no idea who he was talking to... maybe himself, maybe a darker entity listening through the Force._

_You were paralysed in fear. On the one hand: you were evidently the only person who was in a position to rescue the other padawans. But on the other hand: Solo was clearly at fault here, whether he intended to destroy the temple or not. You weren't at all confident that you could best him in combat, the chances were that he would kill you too._

_Time felt like it was standing still as that impossible decision plagued your mind. Taking the selfish route out and saving yourself, or being the Jedi you had been training to become and at least trying to stop the fire and rescue any survivors, as well as confronting Ben._

_You willed yourself to go and be the hero, by nature you were a selfless person, but your legs felt like they were encased in duracrete. No matter how much you convinced yourself that you wanted to go and face Solo and stop the fire, the truth was pulling you back to reality._

_You could hear their screams and anguish through the Force, and it broke you._

_Fighting Ben and trying to stop the fire was a death sentence._

_Master Skywalker was gone, there was nobody to help you._

_So you ran._

_After that, you never stopped running._

_When the Resistance tried to recruit you, you ran from them._

_When Kylo Ren hunted you, after you failed to face him at the temple all those years ago, you ran from him too._

_All these years, you were running from your guilt. You had always seen yourself as the would-be Jedi who yearned for adventure and a life that was meaningful. In reality, you were a scared padawan who choked when your moment to be the hero came._

Kylo looked at you when you both came back to reality, his eyes narrowed. You could tell that he was waiting for you to speak, he knew that you had shown him all of that for a reason... he just couldn't work out what the reason was.

"Across the galaxy, they call you the Jedi killer." You gave him a solemn look. "But for all of these years, I've known the truth. You are no Jedi killer, you're a scared boy who didn't know how to handle the consequences of his actions." Your tone was venomous, every word more cutting than the last. "You've been happy to accept your reputation and let people fear you. You're a fraud."

"And what does that make you?" He hissed back, his rage evident. "Do you sleep soundly at night with the lives of those padawans on your conscience?" He exhaled a scornful laugh, "you had as much opportunity to save them as I did, but you ran. You said it yourself, none of them died by my blade, but I didn't save them... neither did you." He leaned forward, the dimming fire illuminating his features. "I always thought of you as one of the most selfless people in that temple, but you're no better than I am, _Jedi Killer._ "

His final insult felt like a knife to the stomach, but you didn't let on just how much it had hurt you. Was he right? Were you just two sides of the same coin?

No. You weren't the one who had embraced the dark side and killed their master. You could fess up that you regretted your actions, but they had never been born from spite or anger, they came from your fear. You had been a scared child who wasn't ready for the responsibility of being a Jedi.

Truth be told, you still didn't feel ready for the responsibility. All of this time you had convinced yourself that Ren was the reason why you weren't a Jedi, but even without the temple or Master Skywalker you still could have risen in its wake and been the peacekeeper you had longed to be. You had held yourself back because you didn't trust yourself, admittedly you were as much of a fraud as Kylo was.

"Their blood isn't on my hands, it's on yours." You eventually snapped back. There was nothing malicious about what you had done. Besides, who was to say that you stepping in would have saved any lives? Kylo probably would have killed you before you could try.

"I never intended for that lightning to strike the temple. You could have stopped the fire, it was out of my control."

"But you didn't _want_ to stop it."

"How would you know?" His tone was level, he didn't sound angry despite his energy through the Force telling you otherwise. "Those memories you showed me were from your perspective. You had no way to tell what I was feeling at that moment. You're the one with pryokinesis, not me. You're the only one who could have stopped the fire."

His taunts made your head hurt. Being isolated with him on this planet gave you nobody else to confide in, and you weren't sure if your subconscious was strong enough to prevent Kylo Ren from twisting your opinion of yourself.

"I couldn't have stopped it." You shook your head, "you would have killed me first."

"No, I wouldn't have killed you." He said, but you didn't believe him for one second.

"Even if you hadn't, I don't have the power to stop fires, only start them." It was half-true. Master Skywalker had been training you to harness the ability to its full potential, but you had only ever succeeded in extinguishing a flame once, and it was a mere matchstick.

"Prove it." He hissed, "I think you're afraid of your own power. If you surrendered to the dark, you could be so much more than you are now."

You narrowed your eyes at him, telling yourself not to allow him to corrupt you. He was trying to push you to your breaking point for his own twisted satisfaction. If he wanted to see your power, fine. But you would do so on your own terms, not his.

Without moving a muscle you sent a burst of energy into the fire, causing it to roar into an inferno rather than extinguish. It lasted for a few seconds, before dying back down to its natural state. You had a devious smirk on your face when you saw Ren instinctively move back from the flames in shock, you could feel his immediate spike in anger at being made to look a fool by you.

The fire didn't scare you the same way it did him, it bent to your will not the other way around.

Satisfied that you had proven your point, you laid down and turned your back to him, wanting to sleep to escape his company.

"I found your beacon by the way." You finally dropped the last bombshell on him. There was no way of seeing his reaction, but you knew that he would finally see where your shift in attitude had come from. "I should have known that you never had any intention of keeping your word to free me if we survive this."

Kylo's heart involuntarily sank when he heard your confession. He was immediately kicking himself for not telling you about it. When he'd returned and you had been acting towards him with such hostility he had immediately reacted the same way, but now that you had mentioned the beacon he was ashamed to admit that he understood your attitude. Part of him wanted to speak and try to justify himself as well as reassure you, but the other part of him was still resenting what he had seen in your mind. He hated that you were the only person in the galaxy who knew he wasn't really the 'Jedi Killer.'

"I would be concerned about you killing me in my sleep but you seem to prefer letting other people do the murdering whilst you take the credit, Jedi Killer." You couldn't help but snap one final mocking insult at him before closing your eyes and trying to find some semi-peaceful slumber.

You slept and left Kylo Ren dumbfounded in front of a dwindling fire. A few days ago he wouldn't have cared about your feelings towards him, but now that he was stuck on this planet with you he was rediscovering a side of himself that he had tried so desperately to bury. 

Perhaps he could mend the damage, or perhaps the remainder of your days on this planet would be spent suffering in misery.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending days giving each other the cold shoulder, you and Kylo are pushed back towards one another when you run into trouble on the way back to your makeshift home.

You weren't sure how many days had passed since your crash now. It felt like an eternity ago. Even your most recent argument with Ren felt like it was a long time ago, but that could be because neither of you had spoken much since then, aside from exchanging words when necessary.

Whilst he had been sulking in the cave for a majority of every day, you had been desperate to get out and away from him. No matter how hard you tried to shake it you couldn't stop thinking about Ren saying that you were at fault as much as him for what had happened at the Jedi Temple. It had happened a lifetime ago, but suddenly it was fresh in your mind and you were carrying a brand new sack of guilt.

Ren thought that you were out every day just to avoid him and whilst that was half-true, you were also trying to prove a point to yourself. At the temple, you had been crippled by fear and a lack of experience. You wanted to pick up where Master Skywalker had left off and train yourself to fully harness the power of your pyrokinesis.

You had found a nice spot near the watering hole where there was a large shrubbery to burn during your practices. Every day since your argument you had sat there and lit a fire. Once the flames were dancing through the air you would start small and manipulate the embers into a certain shape. You would make the fire larger or smaller and finally, you would try and extinguish it.

The first few times you had tried this you had failed miserably, but you didn't give up. After all, practise would make perfect. Usually, somebody like Kylo Ren would never be able to get under your skin like this, but with nothing else to focus on or stimulate you in this environment, your brain couldn't shake the feeling that you were at fault as much as he was for the padawans dying. You were training so that if you ever found yourself in a fight or flight scenario again, you would have the skill and confidence to fight. It also gave you a good excuse to spend your days avoiding Kylo Ren.

Your nights were long and bitterly cold. You were so adamant to give him the cold shoulder that you had gone back to curling up alone to sleep. Ren afforded you the blanket and used his cloak to cover himself over. Honestly, you could admit that the most comfortable and warm night to date had been the one where you had huddled up together, but just on principle, you refused to do that now. The stony ground was still unforgiving, and although you'd had the plan to use your ship wreckages to make the place more comfortable, neither of you had done anything about it. You were so busy hating each other that you were indirectly making your lives even more miserable than they needed to be.

Today your training was going surprisingly well. You had managed to light, manipulate and extinguish a flame, then repeat that cycle with ease. This was the first time you hadn't struggled with that sequence, which meant that tomorrow you would move onto a bigger flame.

You walked back towards the cavern with a spring in your step. That simple feeling of control over your power had given you a burst of confidence, one which you sorely needed. Even the thought of seeing Ren wasn't making you want to curl up on the floor and sleep just to avoid him. Today, you could look him in the eye knowing that he had gaslit you - he was the Jedi Killer, not you. Him trying to get under your skin and manipulate you into seeing yourself as guilty was his defence mechanism. You'd be lying if you said you didn't still feel that guilt, but at least you were becoming self-aware of it.

Although there wasn't much to judge distance by on this planet, you figured you were about a mile away from the cavern. Aside from having to see Ren and sit down to another awkwardly silent meal, you were relieved to almost be back at your makeshift home. You felt drained after training, and your ankles were burning with pain - you had been forcing yourself to walk too far every day without enough rest.

A rumble beneath your feet caused you to stop dead in your tracks. The sun was still out which meant it couldn't be the scorpions. Perhaps it was nothing, but you felt uneasy... there was definitely something moving beneath your feet. Drawing your Lightsaber you sheepishly started to walk again, hoping that it was just a creature passing through the sand.

By the time you sensed it, it was too late. Your foot hit the ground right as a serpent shot upwards out of the ground, throwing you into the air. You plummeted to the ground and landed on the sand, pain surging through your body.

"Ow-" you groaned, trying to push yourself to your feet. You had dropped your Saber but reached out to summon it back to your hand. As the blue blade erupted to life, you turned to face the creature. Immediately you noticed a deep gash near the serpent's jaw, you knew a healing Lightsaber wound when you saw one. This was the same creature whose cave you had commandeered during the sand storm... looking for revenge, dinner, or both.

You remembered that the sand had stunned the serpent when you last saw it, so you used the Force to push a whip up a storm around it. Whilst it was stunned, you took off running. You were so exhausted from training that even using the Force just then had made you feel drained. You knew that your odds of surviving a fight against that creature were slim to none.

Unfortunately, you didn't get far. Once again you felt the serpent burrowing through the sand beneath your feet. It seemed that this time it wasn't going to give up so easily. You tried to run again, clutching your Saber for dear life.

This time its tail shot out of the sand in front of you, causing you to grind to a halt to avoid crashing into it. The creature was clearly smarter than you gave it credit for because in that split second its head appeared from beneath you and it viciously swiped at your body. One of its fangs sliced through the healing tissue in your shoulder and you cried out in pain as you felt the wound from the day you had crashed be torn open. It was excruciating. You hit the ground and clutched your shoulder, hot blood immediately seeping through your fingers. 

It could have killed you and eaten you at that moment, but it didn't. Through your haze of pain, you noticed it slithering around you... taunting you. It was playing with its food, revelling in its victory after you had beaten it a few nights ago.

You were still clutching your Saber in your injured hand. Despite being barely conscious and bleeding out, you were determined to not go down without a fight.

Elsewhere, back at the cavern, Ren was blissfully unaware of anything you were doing, but he preferred it that way these days. He had convinced himself that he despised you and didn't care whether you lived or died. He'd even worked out that he didn't need you to light fires for him... once a fire was lit, all he'd have to do is keep topping it up with dried plants.

That was that. He loathed you, he felt no guilt towards you for anything he had ever said or done, and he certainly wasn't going to change his mind about any of that. He intended to get off this planet one way or the other and reclaim his place as Supreme Leader, you were completely insignificant to that plan.

These protective barriers he'd unconsciously made came crumbling down as what felt like a tsunami hit him through the Force. His heart involuntarily dropped when he felt your pain. He was still barely in a fit state to walk himself, but you were dying, he could feel it and despite what he had told himself, deep down he knew that he couldn't let that happen.

Why couldn't he though? He had _wanted_ you dead, that was the whole reason he'd ended up stuck on this planet. He had been telling himself over and over that he didn't care if you lived or died, so now why did he suddenly care?

Although he still couldn't admit it, he cared because the reality was that he would face the remainder of his days on the planet alone if you weren't with him. He had broken your trust once already, and that had more of an emotional impact on him than he realised... this was his chance to start earning it back again. Truth be told, your company was the only thing that was keeping him going. This planet was pushing him towards his enemy in a way he didn't think possible.

Hauling himself to his feet, he took off running, ignoring the burning pain from the wound in his thigh. He had no clue where you were, all he could do was follow your energy trail through the Force.

_I'm on my way, Jedi. Just hang in there._

He reached out to you but got no response. He wasn't even sure if you could hear him...

In truth, you couldn't hear him. Kylo Ren was a mere blip at the back of your mind. You weren't half as skilled as he was when it came to any kind of cerebral talents with the Force.

Your whole body was burning with pain. You had only just managed to stand your ground up until this point, now you could barely raise your Lightsaber. There were various cuts and scratches littering your body, you could feel a deep bruising around your ribcage where the serpent had hit you, and most prominent of all was the reopened shoulder wound.

The past few minutes had been a cat and mouse game in which you were, unfortunately, the mouse. The serpent would swipe at you and you would give a feeble swing of your Saber to fend it off. You hated that it could have killed you the moment it found you, it was like it wanted to make you suffer and if that were the case, it was succeeding. 

Seemingly growing bored of the games, the creature darted in for its final strike. You brought your blade up to defend yourself, but its tail swiped in to knock the hilt from your hand. You were powerless to stop it.

Since landing on this planet, you were facing death for at least the fourth time. As you disassociated from the world and chaos around you, you wondered _why_ this planet. Why couldn't it have been a highly-populated, warm planet, with easy access to water and comfortable beds?

Was all that too much to ask?

Your eyes squeezed shut as you anticipated the pain of fangs sinking into your skin. But when the pain didn't come you wearily opened them again. Your vision was blurred, but you saw what was unmistakably Ren's Lightsaber swinging at the serpent. Unable to hold the weight of your head, it lulled back onto the sand, leaving you staring up at the sky. You were willing yourself to go and help him, but there was blood drenching your arm and your breathing was becoming shallow - you were in no fit state. With your last ounce of strength, you flicked your wrist and used the Force to throw your Saber hilt to Ren. He was your only hope.

Kylo sensed the blade incoming and outstretched his hand to catch it. Now dual-wielding, he used his crossguard to keep the serpent's jaw at bay whilst his offhand lunged to pierce your blade into its body.

The moment the serpent withdrew to protect itself he swung both Sabers and sliced its neck, but this time he was certain to remove it from the body entirely. When the separated pieces of the serpent fell onto the sand, he didn't even take a moment to enjoy his victory before rushing over to you.

Despite the pain in his leg, he threw himself onto his knees beside you and immediately pressed two fingers to your pulse... it was still beating, but it was weak. He was far from a medical professional, but he knew that he had to get pressure on your shoulder wound to stop the bleeding - ideally, he didn't want to have to cauterize it for a second time.

He tore a strip of fabric off the bottom of his cloak and knotted it tightly around your shoulder. It was the best he could do until he could get you back to the cave where the first aid kit was. Kylo forced himself to push everything else aside and focus on the situation at hand. Wriggling his arms under your shoulders and knees he rose to his feet and took off back to the cave as fast as he could.

Once in a while, he felt you stirring in his arms and those small movements caused waves of relief to wash over him as he realised that you were still alive. Any resent that he harboured towards you was gone for the time being, he didn't think he could survive this planet without you by his side.

He soon made it back to your makeshift home and was relieved to see the fire still blazing from where he had left it. Placing you gently on the ground he threw some more foliage into the flames and turned his attention back to you. Unclipping his cloak, he draped it and the blanket over you, leaving your shoulders exposed so he could access your wound.

When he gently moved the sleeve of your top aside he could begin to see the extent of the damage. The serpent hadn't just reopened the wound, it had torn your skin even more. He wanted to reassure himself and say that he'd seen worse, but he wasn't sure he had. It looked _bad_. It was a miracle that you were still breathing.

Reaching for the flask, he poured what little clean water was left in there onto your shoulder to clean it as best he could. You hissed in pain but he pressed on, taking the fact that you were making any noise at all as a good sign. Next, he opened the med-kit and used a piece of gauze to clean away any excess blood. It seemed as though his makeshift bandage was helping to clot the injury, but he removed it nevertheless.

He wasn't sure if you needed stitches or not, from what he could tell there wasn't much skin left there to stitch up... Deciding against it for now, he stuck a bacta patch on your shoulder and then rebandaged you with clean supplies.

"Hey-" he tried to lull you back to consciousness. He could feel that you were still alive, and he was silently proud of himself for getting you back to the cave and patching you up, but that would all be for nothing if you didn't wake up.

When your eyes fluttered open and met his, he exhaled a long sigh of relief and threw himself back against the wall of the cavern, finally allowing himself to relax a bit.

You, meanwhile, were far from relaxed. Everything that had just happened felt like a blur, the last thing you really remembered was throwing Ren your Lightsaber.

"How did you find me?" Perhaps that wasn't the most pressing question, but it was the only one that had come to your mind.

"You called to me through the Force." He had his head resting on the wall of the cave, slowly regaining his composure.

"No, I didn't." You mumbled, making no effort to move and sit up.

He was tempted to make a cutting remark but bit his tongue. Instead, he exhaled a dry laugh at your stubbornness. "It was probably subconscious on your part."

"I guess you're expecting a thank you." This time, you did try and sit but when you groaned in pain Kylo shuffled forward to help you, and you didn't stop him.

"No, I'm not." He murmured, his arms supporting you as he slowly helped you to sit against the wall. Once he was sure you were comfortable he moved to sit back beside you.

You were perplexed. An hour ago you were convinced that he wanted you dead, and vice versa, but he had just gone out of his way to save your life. Had the tables been turned, despite telling yourself you wouldn't, you know you would have saved him too.

"Why did you come for me?" You eventually asked him. You could admit that your hatred towards him was shallow, but that's because deep down you still had the altruistic nature of a Jedi... Kylo didn't.

"Because I can't survive this without you." He was trying to keep his walls up and act as though he was acting in his own favour when in reality, saving your life was the most selfless thing he had done in as long as he could remember.

"What happens if we do survive this planet Ren? I shouldn't have been naive enough to think that you would let me go, but do you really just expect me to live as your captive for the rest of my life?" You could accept that the anger and frustration you had been directing at Ren was really stemming from within: you were angry that you allowed yourself to trust him in the first place. 

"No, I don't." He spoke quietly but paused to work out what he _did_ actually want to do with you if you survived. He accepted that you had earned your life, but he was apprehensive about letting you go free, not because he was letting a Jedi loose in his galaxy, but because he saw something in you that you had probably never considered. "If we survive this-" he turned to meet your gaze, "you could join me."

You were certain that you must have been hallucinating. This man had wanted you dead for so long, and now he was suddenly offering you to join him.

"I-" you faltered, trying to speak without having anything to say.

"You told me yourself that you're hardly a Jedi anymore. There's a darkness in you, I can feel it. You try to ignore it, but that doesn't make it any less real. That night at the temple I saw in your head, you had snuck out. You were yearning for more, the Jedi couldn't give it to you... but I can."

You couldn't deny that there was some truth to his words. You _had_ always wanted more adventure, but you had never been someone with bad intentions. Although you had felt the call from the dark side multiple times, you never succumbed to it. You weren't a Jedi, but you also weren't a Sith, you were in the grey area.

Somehow, that didn't mean you weren't tempted by his offer. Perhaps it just seemed like the easy way out, or perhaps you liked the idea of spending more time around Kylo Ren. Either way, you shouldn't have been seriously considering joining him... but you were.

"This is a lot to take in." You admitted, and he broke your gaze to stare at the floor.

"You need to rest." Just like that, he flicked back to his usual frosty self. Regardless, it had been nice to see even a hint of vulnerability from him. It reminded you that beneath the emotionless Supreme Leader facade he was only human, and perhaps he cared about you more than you had given him credit for.

Despite the sun still being up, you took his advice and moved to lay on the ground. You opted to lay on your side which wasn't injured, wanting to keep pressure off your shoulder and bruised ribcage.

"Thank you." Your two simple words meant more than simple gratitude. Behind them was forgiveness, as well as an apology. You were silently forgiving Ren for the First Order beacon incident, knowing that you couldn't continue living at odds. You were also apologising for not clearing the air with him sooner, being two naturally opposing people you were bound to be at odds, but it was a miserable way to live. You realised now that you had to put aside your petty squabble if you wanted to survive on this planet.

He had asked you to join him, and that spoke a thousand words to you. Between that and saving your life, you finally realised that to some degree Kylo actually did care about you. This time when he assured your survival, you felt more inclined to believe him.

Even underneath the blanket and the cloak, you felt shivery. You weren't sure if it was because of your injuries, or just because the planet's climate was finally getting the better of you.

Wordlessly, you heard Kylo moving behind you to lay down. It was obvious how cold you were. Your body naturally stiffened when you felt him joining you under the two covers, but you soon relaxed as his body heat provided you with some much-needed comfort. The same as last time, he kept his distance from you, but even with a gap between your bodies he was helping.

You drifted off to sleep, feeling more content that you had for the past few days.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vicious sandstorm pushes you and Kylo to the core of the mountain you're settled in, which in turn pushes you to the core of your growing relationship.

"You're not pulling your weight."

"You're right. I'm pulling _both_ of our weights."

"If I let go right now you'd crumble."

"Let go then, I dare you."

You knew he was calling your bluff, so you let go and the enormous pile of scrap from your ships wobbled in the air. You smirked over at Kylo, who was blatantly struggling to lift it all on his own. After a few moments, the mass of dura-steel and upholstery crumbled to the ground. Your mouth opened to say something along the lines of 'I told you so.' But, before you could utter anything Kylo's gloved hand was pointing at you.

"Not a word." 

"I wasn't going to say anything." The smugness was written all over your face.

"Just help me lift this." He grumbled, trying to pick his damaged ego up off the floor as well as the pile of scrap. Using the Force, you both regathered the supplies and went back to sharing the weight of them in the air between you.

With that squabble over, you could continue walking. It was only a matter of time before you would stop and have another meaningless domestic in the middle of the desert, but part of you enjoyed that dynamic. Whereas before your arguments had been fueled by genuine hatred towards each other, now they weren't half as serious. Generally, you spent your time knocking Kylo's ego down a few pegs.

A few rotations had passed since your shoulder wound had been torn back open. You couldn't say it was healing well, but at least you weren't dead. Kylo was very much in the same position with his leg. You had run out of bacta between you now, and given the climate and only having one freezing cold watering hole to clean yourselves in, both of you were running a high risk of your wounds getting infected.

It wasn't something you had discussed. You had both silently acknowledged it and pushed it to the back of your brains. Infections were a slippery slope, one which you knew usually ended in death. Although you weren't necessarily friends, you were allies now, and neither of you wanted to live on this planet without the other.

Kylo's offer to join him was still playing on your mind. You wondered if you were only considering it because anywhere in the galaxy seemed better than the wasteland you were living in, but even so, you wondered if he had a point. After all, the famous was phrase was 'if you can't beat them, join them.'

"You still call me Jedi." You had taken to voicing a lot of your thoughts these days, and Kylo had just gotten used to you starting entirely new conversations that he had no context for.

"And?" He glanced back at you.

"And we both know that I'm not one anymore. I think I need a new nickname."

He fell silent for a moment, and you wondered if he was just ignoring you. But eventually, he responded. Even with his back facing you, you knew there was something of a mischievous smirk on his lips as he said "Dar'jetii."

"You speak Mando'a?" Rather than asking why he had chosen that nickname you couldn't help but delve into Kylo's sudden knack for languages.

"No, not really. I know a few words though."

"I'm sure you've been called dar'jetii a few times."

"Which is how I know the word." He shrugged.

"I'm not a Dark Jedi though." 

He stopped walking and turned to you with his brow furrowed, "it means 'not a Jedi,' doesn't it?"

"How did you work that one out, by translating it literally?" You couldn't help but laugh gently.

"Yes." In his usual brash manner, he gave you a stock answer.

"Well, you're technically not wrong. But rather than consulting your datapad, it would have been better to ask a Mandalorian." You teased, grinning, "but I guess I'll have to do for now. In context, it means Sith or Dark Jedi."

"How do you know?" He wasn't being defensive as he once might have, he was genuinely curious.

"Before I went to Florrum, I was on Navarro."

"With The Bounty Hunter's Guild." He put two and two together, "I should have known better than to believe them when they said you weren't there." He grumbled. You were well aware that Kylo had travelled to Navarro to find you, it was why you had fled in the first place.

"I was on Florrum by the time you arrived. When I got wind that the Supreme Leader was hot on my trail I jumped on the first ship I could find, and that ship just happened to be inhabited by pirates who could benefit from the help of a Force-user."

"And the Mando'a?" He brushed off his past failures to capture you. There was no point dwelling on them now given the current situation.

"A lot of people would show up on Navarro. Some you'd only see once, and some would be regulars. One of those regulars was from a Mandalorian clan, she was fluent. There were some rotations when we both had a lot of time on our hands and she would teach me."

"Did you ever see her again?" It struck you as odd that Kylo was so interested in the finer details of your life all of sudden, but you put it down to him wanting to know where he went wrong with tracking you down.

"No, I haven't seen her since." There was a lot that Kylo didn't know about your life and vice versa. You had both made assumptions about each other based on the people you had known back at the temple. He had seen you as a fugitive trying to rebuild the Jedi Order and destroy everything he'd built, when in reality you were just a woman trying to find a new purpose in the galaxy.

You had gone past the watering hole a while ago, and were close to home. Both of you were struggling to carry the pile of scrap at this point. It was taking a lot of focus, and more teamwork than either of you were accustomed to. Your shoulder was hurting, and so was Kylo's leg.

Eventually, you made it back to your cave. Everything was just as you had left it, and although you were relieved to drop what you had been carrying, the hard work was only just beginning. The following hour or so was spent going through everything you had torn out of your ships, working out where it would be put to its best use.

The conversation remained very much on topic, and it wasn't long before you had managed to fashion a large sheet of durasteel into a door to keep the elements (and creatures) out. The pair of you were working together to get it into place when you felt a shift in the Force.

"Sandstorm." You both looked at each other as you spoke at the same time.

"I guess it's a good job we started with the door." You tried to make light of the situation, but after a few minutes, you weren't in a position to make as many quips.

The storm had brewed quickly, and it was more violent than you had ever known a sandstorm to be. The door you'd made was rattling so much that you wondered if it was going to be carried away entirely.

Neither of you said much. You had eaten some meat that was leftover from earlier that day and were now just huddled around the fire. You looked at Kylo opposite you and thought that it was finally time to break the silence and take your minds off the storm, but before you could open your mouth there was a loud rumbling from within the cave.

"Kriff, is this place going to collapse?" You look up at the ceiling to see small dust particles being shaken to the ground.

"I hope not," Kylo mumbled, his eyes also glued upwards.

You could hear rocks crumbling to the ground outside, and they could easily be blocking your exit. Your lack of wilderness survival skills were really coming to light now. On Florrum you had seen entire mountains collapse due to sandstorms, and this one was more vicious than any of those.

"We need to go in deeper." Kylo snapped you back to reality.

"What?" You looked at him, brow furrowed.

"Deeper into the cave. We'll be better protected in the centre."

"How do you know?"

"Do you really want to spend time discussing that now?"

"I guess not." You scrambled to your feet and followed Kylo into the depths of the cave.

Neither of you had explored this far before, mostly because you assumed that there was nothing in the centre of the mountain and you would eventually hit a dead end. But you were happy enough to take Kylo's word that it was safest in there.

As you delved deeper, you were plunged into total darkness.

"Stars, I left my Saber back there." You stopped moving, waiting for Ren to get his Lightsaber out in the absence of yours. Hearing him sigh in response told you all you needed to hear... clearly being stranded on this planet had made you both lose your touch.

This led both of you to fumbling around to avoid crashing into the solid walls. The rumbling of the storm was fading the further into the cave you went.

"Sorry-" you exclaimed as you collided with Kylo's back. It took you a second to regain your footing. You were both silently hoping that there weren't any creatures living this deep in a mountain because you weren't in a great position to defend yourselves.

"This is pointless, we may as well go back and get our Sabers." He pointed out, but you knew there was a risk that the cave could collapse on your back there at any given moment.

"Let me try something." You were hoping that your pryokinesis training would pay off, but you had never tried this before.

Even though you could barely see him you knew that he had _that_ look on his face. The one when he had a slight eyebrow crease and he would gaze at you as if he was expecting the impossible... well, perhaps he was expecting the impossible on this occasion.

"Take your time Dar'jetii. I'm just enjoying myself in this pitch-black cavern that could collapse at any moment." You let his sarcasm slide on this occasion, but only because you were busy trying to focus yourself.

You had your palm facing upwards, and your eyes snapped open when you felt the familiar heat of a fire on your face. The embers were steadily burning in your hand, and you held them there for a moment, mesmerised by your own success. Your hand didn't suffer from the heat, you felt nothing.

"Since when have you been able to do that?" He was clearly in disbelief, but you just smirked in the glow of the embers. You had no idea how long you could keep it alight for, so you started walking.

"Since... now, I guess." You laughed, "I spent some time training to control my pyrokinesis and I guess it paid off." You felt something radiate from Kylo through the Force. A pang of guilt, very slight, but you had become quite in-tune with his energy over the past few days. It was strangely nice to know that he regretted the harsh remarks he had made to you about your pyrokinesis a few roations ago.

Silence hung in the air as you walked further into the core of the mountain. The sandstorm was a distant thought by now, but you were still hoping that your entire cave hadn't collapsed. You wondered if it was the heat from the flame in your palm, which was beginning to dwindle as it drained more of your energy, but you were starting to feel warm. The air seemed... humid.

"What's that?" Kylo caught your attention from where he was walking just ahead of you and you squeezed past him to look. You must have been walking for about ten minutes, but up ahead was an opening deep in the core of the mountain with light shining out of it.

"I guess we're going to find out." You approached it, finally allowing the flame in your hand to extinguish as the light from whatever was in the mountain took over.

When you squeezed through the gap your senses were overwhelmed. The mountain opened up into a huge cavern. Although it still appeared to be just as icy as the rest of the planet, it was _warm_ and you had never felt so relieved to sweat. The whole cave was illuminated in a pale blue light by a type of vine which you had never seen before, they gave off a constant glow which reflected off the various pools of water scattered around the place. You were in awe at not only its beauty but also the comfort it was providing you. It completely juxtaposed the harsh environment outside.

You approached one of the water pools and hesitantly dipped your hand into it, expecting to feel the family bite of ice, but instead, you were enveloped by a comforting warmth.

"They're hot springs." You expressed to Kylo who had only just managed to wriggle through the gap into the cavern. You were both wounded, filthy, and in desperate need of a comfortable wash that wasn't in a watering hole so cold that it left your body numb and in a worse state than before you got in.

He responded by removing his glove and crouching beside you to test the water for himself.

"Good to know you're happy to take my word for it." You elbowed him gently.

"I just wanted to test it for myself." He gave a blank response, and you rolled your eyes. You found it hard to know where you stood with Kylo. Whilst things were more lighthearted between you, neither of you knew where you stood on trust.

"Did you really?" You smirked, an impulsive idea striking you. Reaching over, you moved to shove Kylo into the water, but the moment your hand made contact with his back he knew what was coming. He latched onto you with the Force and dragged you into the water with him. There was a huge _splash_ as you fell into the spring.

"I guess I deserved that." You spluttered as your head came back to the surface.

"You did."

"I won't complain too much, I've not been this warm since we got here." You relished for a moment in the comfort the water was providing for your wound, but you forced yourself to climb out. Despite your clothes already being dripping wet, you wanted to bathe properly and be able to put dry clothes on when you got out.

Kylo was still in the water looking at you, confused. Eventually, you just cleared your throat and motioned with your finger for him to turn around and he got the message. Once his back was facing you, you began to strip off your layers. There was a hiss of pain as your top caught your congealed shoulder wound... hopefully the spring water would do it some good.

When Kylo heard the splashing of water behind him, he turned back to face you. The glow reflecting off the water made it near-impossible to see below the surface which allowed you both to preserve your modesty. Realistically, it was only a matter of time before you would become more comfortable around each other, but you certainly weren't there just yet.

Offering him the same privacy, you also turned your back and let him climb out of the spring to strip off and get back in. You were relishing in the pain relief that the water was impressing on your shoulder, and when Kylo got back in you could only assuming that he was feeling the same about his thigh wound.

Neither of you spoke much at first. There was a tension in the air, similar to the one which had been there when you had last bathed together at the watering hole. Since then, you had both always made a point of going separately to wash, but suddenly you were thrown into this intimate situation, and neither of you knew how to respond.

"You never said that you were training your pyrokinesis." Kylo was the one to break the silence, "I could have helped you."

"With all due respect Supreme Leader, you were being a bit of a... _shabuir_ at the time." You teased him, and his brow furrowed.

"Do I want to know what that means?"

"I doubt it. Besides, you would probably translate it wrong anyway."

"Thank you for the vote of confidence Dar'jetii." You knew that he was using the nickname to wind you up now, but every time he said it you couldn't help but cast your mind back to his offer to join The First Order should you ever get off the planet.

"You said you could have helped me train." Of course, to Kylo it sounded like you were pointing out the obvious, but you were just once again voicing your thought process.

"Yes, and?" He was leaning back against the edge of the spring. The water was shallow enough for you both to stand up.

"And I wonder if you see something in me that I don't."

"It's not what you think." It felt like his gaze was boring into your soul, "you think I'm sensing rage and anger, but what I see is potential."

"Aren't rage, anger and potential all one in the same to you?"

"Not necessarily. You're powerful, regardless of what emotions fuel you. If you joined me, our strength combined could be unstoppable." Again that niggling temptation to accept his offer was consuming you. Surely joining the First Order wasn't any less moral than hunting bounties or working with pirates... but why did it feel so much worse?

The part of you that wanted to accept his offer was growing by the day, and you knew it wasn't growing because you believed in what the Order stood for. Only in that moment did you realise that you had become strangely attached to Kylo Ren, and you wondered if that attachment went both ways. After all, he had been hell-bent on seeing you dead, now he was suddenly asking you to join him even though you weren't rooted in the dark side.

"This whole thing is a longshot Ren, it's not like we're getting off this planet anytime soon. The chances are we're going to die here." You didn't know how to process your own feelings, so you compartmentalized them. Kylo's 'join me' scenario was a big 'if,' and you didn't want to consider it if you didn't have to.

"Then why waste your time not trusting me? I know that we've had our... differences in the past, but now we're stuck with each other. If I'm going to die I'd rather not die alone." His sudden vulnerability took you aback. This was the same Kylo Ren who you had previously assumed was void of all emotions, but here he was bearing his soul to you.

You thought back to the incident with the beacon, it felt like so long ago now and so much had changed since then. You had told yourself that you would never trust Kylo again, but then he saved your life and showed himself to be more than the heartless Jedi Killer. Perhaps he was right, perhaps it was time to put everything else aside and focus on the present. What good was hating each other going to do for you? This world had become like your little bubble, the bubble in which you and Kylo could exist as different people to the Supreme Leader and lost Jedi you were outside of it.

"You're right." You softly admitted, and he looked genuinely surprised by your reaction. You paused to splash some water on your face, relishing in how fresh it made you feel. "We both need to trust each other, and maybe ours eventual deaths won't be as miserable." You couldn't help but grin at the end of your sentence, trying to lighten the mood.

Whilst the sandstorm raged outside, you were both finally able to unwind and clean your wounds deep in the core of the mountain. Tomorrow would be another day, and another fresh start. Trusting Kylo Ren was something you would never have considered yourself doing, even if it was a matter of life and death. But now you _did_ trust him, and on the contrary, it felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I uploaded this a day late, I've had a high-stress week with uni
> 
> Hopefully it was worth an extra day's wait and you'll still all enjoy it!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When boredom strikes, you and Kylo spar. But peace never seems to last for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: graphic descriptions of violence & mentions death

Since finding the hot springs things had really picked up. Both you and Kylo had fallen into a good routine of bathing in there daily which was doing wonders for your various wounds.

The sandstorm hadn't caused the cave you were living in to collapse, but when you'd returned the exit was blocked. It took some work with the Force to move the rocks out of the way, but you'd managed to get it cleared.

Now the inside of your make-shift home was much more comfortable. You'd used the various bits of durasteel to make useful tools and crockery to help with cooking. The seats of your ships had been repurposed to create a bed which made the world of difference for sleeping.

All in all, things were looking up. You wouldn't say they were good, because realistically so long as you were on this planet things would never be good. But at the very least they weren't terrible anymore. You were no longer struggling with thirst, hunger, or even the cold, now you were battling with restlessness. You were unbelievably bored with your daily routine, it was very mundane. Really, you should have been grateful for what you had, but you yearned for something to stimulate you mentally.

That had been your aim for the day, to train and refocus your mind. You had been out since sunrise and eventually, Kylo ventured out to look for you. He found you near the watering hole, lost in a meditative state. He wondered how long you had been outside, but sensing how balanced your energy felt he figured it had been a while. He was happy to see his cape wrapped around your shoulders, he hated the thought of you being cold. It was almost laughable that not long ago he would have rather seen you suffer in the climate, and now he was willingly sacrificing his cloak for your comfort.

You were sat cross-legged, floating a few feet off the ground. You were so lost in your meditation that you didn't notice Kylo approaching. He decided to have some fun since there wasn't much to entertain him these days. Raising his hand, he pried into your mind through the Force and tried to find where you were in your meditation.

_Weird, for someone constantly complaining about being stuck on this planet things seem pretty happy in here._

"Stars Kylo-" you nearly jumped out of your skin when his voice jolted you out of meditation and you tumbled to the ground, landing with a strong thud. His body cast a shadow over you, and when you looked up you could see an annoying smirk on his face. "Was that really necessary?" You grumbled, and he offered you his hand. You took it and he pulled you back to your feet.

"Maybe not, but it was funny."

"Didn't realise you had a sense of humour." You snorted, giving him a shove. 

"And here I came out to find you to be _nice,_ but all I get in return is an insult." He retorted, stumbling a step. Your relationship had developed over the past few days. To put it simply: you were becoming a lot more comfortable around each other. Metaphorical walls had been dropped, and both of you were speaking your minds and finally relaxing in each other's presence.

"I know that you're out of practice at being 'nice,' but that wasn't how you do it." You walked over to the watering hole to have a drink.

"You're bored, I am too." He remained stood a few feet away.

"Well, that's the humble desert-life for you. I came out this morning because I thought training would help. Did you go to the spring earlier?" You were about to stand up and turn back to face him, but a spike in the Force caused your instincts to take over. Your Saber roared to life and you swung around, your blade clashing with Kylo's. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Curing our boredom." He spoke so calmly for someone who had just swung a deadly weapon at you, but he was definitely onto something. The two of you had fought before, but it had never been sparring for fun.

The two of you just tested the waters at first, Kylo swinging at you on the offensive whilst you blocked on the defensive. It reminded you of the basic drills you used to run at the Jedi Temple. Master Skywalker never encouraged violence where it wasn't necessary, so Lightsaber duelling was generally taught as a defensive mechanism only. Any sparring you did was very light and well-regulated, but now there was nobody to supervise you.

Slowly, you both gained confidence in the other's abilities and began to up the ante. Kylo's swings became far more vicious and unpredictable, which made you have to put more thought and precision into your defence. It was invigorating. It had been so long since you'd felt this kind of adrenaline rush and it was addictive.

"You're good. Better than I ever gave you credit for." Kylo puffed through his swings. Spurred on by his compliment, you wanted to show off a bit. Forcing your blade upwards you broke his striking pattern and moved to force him into the defensive position.

"You're... okay." You couldn't help but tease him, and he responded by doubling his efforts to break your attacks.

It was freeing to be able to spar with someone. For years now your Lightsaber training had consisted of disciplining yourself by swinging at unwitting boulders and plants. It was nice to have an opponent who actually hit back.

You and Kylo duelled for what felt like hours. Neither of you had half as much energy as you normally would, given that you were living on a very limited diet, but that didn't seem to stop you from channelling everything you had into this spar. You two had a lot of history, and you were undeniably competitive.

Kylo leapt back to avoid one of your strikes. "If you embraced the power of the dark side you could have beaten me by now."

"Could I? You've been using the dark side, but you haven't beaten me yet." You continued to swing at him, but rather than deflecting any of your strikes he continued to dodge them.

"Because I'm holding back, so are you. That power inside you, I know it's there. Unleash it." He urged, but you weren't prepared to give him the satisfaction. Whilst he was distracted by your Lightsaber flourishes, you flicked your off-hand and used the Force to send sand spiralling into the air around Kylo. He grunted and immediately moved to shield his eyes. You took that opportunity to knock his Saber from his hand and point your blade at his neck, which was the first thing he saw when the sand settled.

"Y'know Kylo, I've thought about it and I don't think I need the dark side." You smugly told him, retracting your Saber and clipping it back to your waist.

"That was a cheap shot." He scoffed, summoning his hilt back to his hand and mimicking your actions. "Must be what happens when you spend too long around pirates."

"Mhm, make all the excuses you want. You lost, almighty Supreme Leader." You approached him with a teasing grin on your lips. "Just admit that I won fair and square."

He paused, holding your gaze for a moment. A wry smirk then appeared on his lips. "I'm hungry. I think that's enough training for one day."

"Asshole." You snorted, elbowing him.

"And here I was going to cook you dinner." He retorted as you started walking in the direction of home.

"It's not my fault that you're a sore loser. This little training session was your idea!" The sun was beginning to set, which meant that you didn't have long before the scorpions came crawling out in hunt of flesh to feast on.

"Do you feel that?" He suddenly stopped walking, but you didn't notice since he was behind you.

"Don't try and change the subject Kylo!" You teased.

"I'm serious, stop." He hissed, and hearing his tone you stopped walking and turned to face him.

"Scorpions?"

"It can't be, it's still light."

"Then what is it?" This time you tapped into the Force and tried to lock onto whatever Kylo was sensing. There was something approaching, something big.

"I don't know." He tapped your arm to prompt you to keep walking with him, which you did. But, when the rumbling of heavy steps approached you from behind you turned to him.

"How's your cardio?" You raised an eyebrow.

"Under these circumstances, pretty good." Taking the hint, he took ahold of your arm and ran, dragging you behind him. When you met his pace he let you go. Perhaps you were both being paranoid, but it _really_ felt like something was chasing you, and now it sounded like it too.

You were close to your cave, but not close enough. Daring a glance over your shoulder you could see not one, but two giant-lizard creatures pursuing you.

"This isn't good. Since when have these things hunted in packs?" You puffed, trying to pick up the pace.

"Probably since we've taken their place at the top of the food chain." Kylo had a point, between you, you had killed many of the lizard creatures. Ever since you first encountered one on the day you crashed and discovered their weak point, you'd had little trouble striking one down if it tried to attack you. The species' instinct was likely to destroy the threat to its place at the top of the chain and restore the natural order, which spelt disaster for you and Kylo.

You skidded to a halt, drawing your Lightsaber and preparing to defend yourself against the oncoming deadly duo.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kylo stopped when he saw you disappear from his peripherals.

"We can't lead them back to the cave, they'll just tear it apart!" The beasts caught up to you and immediately launched to attack.

Following your lead, Kylo also moved in to defend. Suddenly, your training session wasn't seeming like such a good idea, both of your muscles were aching from the exertion.

"Hold them off, I'll go for the neck." You told him, and he nodded in response. Leaping into the air, you flipped up onto one of the lizards' backs. With your Saber clutched in both of your hands you spun it around and aimed to stab the weak spot with it, like a stake piercing a heart.

Sensing something else swinging at you from behind caused you to break away before you could kill the lizard. Your Saber met a spikey tail, but the sheer force of the strike still managed to send you flying off your feet and subsequently off the lizard's back. Everything felt like it was going in slow motion. You hit the ground with a thud, the impact knocking the wind out of you. You gasped for air for a few moments. It was the second lizard that had swung for you when it noticed that you were on its comrade's back. Your Saber had been knocked from your hand, and with Kylo occupied defending himself from the looming jaw of the lizard you had tried to kill, the other approached you.

You summoned your Lightsaber back to your hand and met its razor-sharp teeth with your blade. Your entire body was screaming at you as you pushed against the beast. This was clearly a losing battle, you could never outmatch its strength, but you would die trying. You could hear Kylo's voice, he was yelling your name. Not one of his irksome nicknames, but your real name. You had never heard him utter it before and somehow hearing it now, despite the circumstances, it felt so right.

The sound of one of the lizards roaring in pain was music to your ears. Kylo had evidently managed to kill the other one, but you feared that it was too late for you. Your arms were shaking and soon overpowered. With the lizard about to sink its teeth into you and kill the threat to the food chain, you felt the weight of a body crash onto you.

Kylo let out a guttural yell as the lizard's teeth sank into his stomach. Your heart was in your mouth. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion as you took his face in your hands and looked at him with horror painted on your expression.

"What have you done?" You whispered as the colour began to drain from Kylo's face.

"You need to go." He croaked. "Please, just go."

The lizard didn't look like it was going to release Kylo from its vice. You could feel that he was in agony through the Force and despite his pleas, you knew you couldn't leave him. There was no word that could describe the feeling that was flooding your veins. It was a type of pain you had never felt before. It was as though somebody had taken your heart and torn it apart with their bare hands.

"No-" you squeezed your eyes shut. That power you had buried deep inside yourself, the one that Kylo had encouraged you to release, was bubbling to the surface now. It felt like a volcano erupting through your entire body.

"Please go." He begged. Kylo had just thrown himself on the line for you and that action spoke louder than any of his words ever could.

The darkness you had been suppressing broke free. You outstretched your hand and directed every emotion you were channelling at the lizard. A cry escaped your lips as you felt your own power begin to overwhelm you. The blood coursing through your veins felt like lava, but you forced yourself to push through the pain. For Kylo... you had to do it for Kylo.

You heard a thud as the creature stumbled backwards, releasing Kylo from its jaw. On instinct, you had ignited a fiery blaze, but the creature had impenetrable skin. Without realising, you had lit a fire inside of the beast and it was tearing it apart from within.

The sun was setting, you had no time to even begin to imagine how you had managed to light that fire. Kylo was your priority.

"Come on, we need to go." You mumbled, hauling both of you to your feet with some difficulty. He could barely hold any of his own weight, leaving most of the heavy lifting to you.

"You need to leave me." He croaked, whilst one of his hands firmly pressed against the tooth-sized hole in his side. "Take my Saber and get yourself back before it gets dark." He had a point about the latter. You realistically only had a few minutes maximum before night would fall and that meant the hordes of scorpions would be waiting to make you their first meal of the evening.

"I'm not leaving you here." You shook your head, beginning the difficult task of hauling him back towards the cave, which wasn't far away. The last rays of light were gone now, and you inhaled a sharp breath as you heard the familiar scratching sound of the scorpions underground. With one arm hooked under Kylo's shoulder, you ignited your Saber with the other. The light created a small area of safety around you, but you could see the swarm lurking in the sand mere inches away from you. It was nothing short of terrifying.

"Just hang on, we're nearly back." You muttered, unsure if you were talking to Kylo or yourself. Opening the palm of your hand which was supporting Kylo, you summoned his crossguard hilt to your hand and ignited it, extending your protective circle of light. You found yourself stumbling back to your sanctuary with a Lightsaber in each hand and a near-death Supreme Leader under your arm. 

You were fighting off tears. You didn't know if they were because you were brimming with stress, or if they were for Kylo, who had just put his life on the line for you. That gesture in itself had shocked you, but you hadn't had a chance to let that cross your mind yet.

'Mind over matter.'You kept telling yourself. You couldn't allow yourself to succumb to your emotions yet. Your composure was the difference between Kylo living and dying.

Relief flooded your veins when you reached the entrance of the cave. Beneath your arm, Kylo had barely moved. At this point, you were dragging his entire weight along, you weren't sure if he was still breathing. You pushed the durasteel door aside using the Force and stumbled inside, dropping both Lightsabers the moment you knew you were safe and separated from the scorpions. Flicking your wrist, you lit a fire as you lowered Kylo to the ground as gently as you could. He wasn't conscious, and your heart raced as you pressed two fingers to check his pulse. It was weak, but he was still alive.

Since crashing on this planet, you had learnt more than you ever intended to about performing medical procedures under pressure - even if you were making it up as you went along. With the addition of the hot springs, you were much better equipped to deal with a wound than you had been a few weeks ago.

The wound was on his stomach and time was of the essence. You knew that Kylo's sleeveless outer tunic fastened at the back and you didn't want to manoeuvre him just for the sake of one piece of clothing, so you tore it off. His long-sleeved undershirt, on the other hand, you knew he would need. As gently as possible, you wriggled him out of it and tossed it aside.

With his chest now bare you could see the horrifying extent of the damage. There were two gaping holes in the side of his stomach, both gushing blood. You suppressed any panic and tried your best to forget any personal connection you had to Kylo and the consequences you would suffer if he died. You needed to stay focused if you were going to save him.

You looked at the position of the wounds and were quite sure, and hopeful, that they hadn't pierced any of his major organs. There was plenty of gauze left in the med-kit, so you temporarily wrapped tight bandaging around his stomach. Ideally, you wanted this to clot the wound and to buy you some time.

"Hang in there Kylo... for me." You pleaded with him, not sure if he could even hear you. Without a second to spare, you summoned your Saber to one hand as a light source and the water flask to your other and took off running deep into the cave towards the springs. You needed that water to clean and sterilise him as best as you could before stitching him up.

Knowing the route like the back of your hand, you made it there in record time. The beauty of the scenery didn't cross your mind as it usually did, you simply dipped the flask into the water and rushed back towards him. Despite moving as fast as your legs would carry you, it felt like you had been gone for an eternity. Just the thought of arriving back to find Kylo dead made you want to collapse on the spot. He had to survive. He had to...

He hadn't moved a muscle when you got back. In fact, he was still unconscious, but you could see his chest rapidly rising and falling. Dropping to your knees beside him you removed the temporary bandaging, relieved to see the blood beginning to clot. Remaining calm, you began to carefully clean the wound, hoping that the spring water would be better than the water from the lake you had been using before.

The next tense minutes were spent stitching him up. Your hand was surprisingly steady. Your body seemed to be running on auto-pilot and it was handling this crisis much better than your mind was.

When you were certain that the wound was stitched up to the best of your ability, you bandaged it and allowed yourself to fall backwards and catch your breath. You had done all you could, and you finally allowed your emotions to overwhelm you. Sobs racked through your body. A chunk of that feeling was stress, but you had never experienced anything close to how you felt the moment Kylo threw himself in front of that lizard. No matter how in denial you had been before, this was a huge wake-up call that Kylo Ren meant so much more to you than you had previously realised.

You weren't sure how long passed before you composed yourself enough to sit up and turn your attention back to the man in question. His breathing had steadied, which was a relief. The best thing you could do now was let him rest, and you needed to do the same. You moved Kylo onto the bed that had once been the seats in your respective ships and laid down next to him. It was a small comfort to see Kylo shifting as you moved him, as if he was subconsciously trying to help you support his weight.

Usually, you slept with a gap between you. A physical reminder that to some degree you were still adversaries. But tonight you felt like everything had changed. You told yourself that you were huddling right up to Kylo underneath the blanket because he needed your body heat. He was injured, and shirtless, the fire wouldn't be lit all night so he needed you nearby. The reality of the situation, however, was buried deep in your subconscious.

You wanted to be as close to Kylo as physically possible because you were scared... _terrified,_ even, of losing him and facing the remainder of your days on this planet alone.

Living in a world without Kylo by your side seemed impossible. Had the circumstances been reversed, you would have sacrificed yourself for him the same way he did for you. He meant more to you than you ever thought possible.

You had done all you could. Now, you had to sleep and hope that in the morning you would bothwake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry again that this is late, but I'm going to work on getting back into a good writing schedule! Never panic that I'll abandon this fic before I finish it though, I have the last few chapters planned out and am sooo excited to share the final pieces of this plot with y'all :))


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still reeling from the night before's action, you and Kylo now have to face a new threat: your feelings.

Every morning when you woke up there were those few moments of disorientation. Blissful snippets in which you forgot where you were, how much pain you were in, and that there was an injured Kylo Ren still unconscious beside you. The latter was what sprung to your mind first when you felt a body pressed against yours under the blanket. Kylo hadn't moved a muscle since you fell asleep. You could see the first few rays of sunlight peering through the cracks of the durasteel door - you had only slept for a few hours at best.

Ignoring how heavy your eyelids still felt, you shuffled out from under the blanket and stood up, taking a moment to stretch your fatigued, aching limbs. You spotted Kylo's undershirt on the floor and thought it best to wash it so he wouldn't have to wear it whilst it was still dripping with his own blood. Before leaving the cave, however, you crouched by his body and took a moment to study him.

His chest was steadily rising and falling, which you took to be a good sign. You didn't check his wound because you thought removing your body heat from him was bad enough, taking the blanket would be a step too far. He looked so peaceful when he slept, so much so that you reached a hand out to rest on his cheek, your thumb rubbing small circles in his skin.

You were so relieved that he was alive.

When you pulled your hand away you threw some more kindling on the fire to ensure that it would keep burning whilst you were gone. You then scooped up Kylo's shirt and made your way to hot springs.

The walk gave you some time to go over the events of last night. For one: if those giant lizards were now hunting in packs seeking you and Kylo, it probably wasn't safe for either of you to go out alone. Secondly: Kylo Ren had saved your life, almost dooming his own in the process. That felt like a fever dream to you. Even your own reaction had come as a surprise. Things had certainly changed between you, and you definitely cared for him beyond just being allies now. But, when you recalled holding his head as the life began to drain from his eyes... a pit opened up in your stomach just at the thought of it.

Whatever it was that you felt for him, it was so much deeper than mutual respect for an ally.

All of this raced through your mind as you scrubbed the blood from Kylo's shirt. There was something calming about the hot springs. They were an ideal space to unwind and relax, and even though you hadn't planned to, you bathed yourself whilst Kylo's shirt dried. After all, you were filthy from your altercation the night before and there was nothing more relaxing for your aching muscles than the warm spring water.

Kylo was playing on your mind the entire time. You didn't want to be gone for too long in case he woke up or took a turn for the worse. With that in mind, you hurried back with his dry shirt in one hand and your Saber in the other to light the way. Perhaps your worry for Kylo was just because you had nothing else to focus on in your life... or maybe you were just deflecting the harsh truth about your feelings towards him.

As you approached you heard a grunt of pain echo through the cavern. You took off running, thinking that Kylo's wound had reopened in his sleep or something. When your familiar home came into view your gaze immediately locked onto him. He was slumped against the wall, trying to change his own bandaging.

You dropped his shirt and your Saber and crouched in front of him, not meeting his stare as you gently moved his hand away to take over.

"Y'know, you could have just waited for me." Your voice came out quieter than you had intended. To your utmost surprise, there was no protest from the usually brash Kylo. For once, he accepted your help and that in itself was strange behaviour.

It was a relief to see that the wound's stitches were holding and it didn't look any worse than it had done last night. But what did concern you was Kylo's silence. Usually, he would have hit back at you with some kind of witty remark.

"How long have I been out?" He eventually asked.

"Since last night." Your tone remained soft. You still hadn't met his gaze. "How much do you remember?"

"I remember telling you to leave me behind."

"And you're mad that I didn't?"

"You could have died."

"So could you. But here we both are." You finally looked up and made eye-contact with him.

"Why did you save me?" His voice was hoarse. You had never known him to be so uneasy.

"Why did you take the hit for me?" Your hands paused their movements. Both of you knew that the answers were the same, but neither of you knew how to express that.

"I-" he faltered. You noticed how his body had stiffened under your touch, so you withdrew your hand from his bandaged torso. He caught your wrist before you could pull it away and gave a gentle tug to pull you closer. Just as you moved your other hand to support yourself against his shoulder, he pressed your lips together. His movement had been so forward and confident, but the way he kissed you was the complete opposite. It was slow, gentle, maybe even timid.

It took your mind a moment to catch up with your body, but once you had realised that this was really happening, you embraced it. Your heart rate increased, you tilted your head and just allowed the desire that had been building for weeks to take over.

As you both became more confident, the kiss deepened. Kylo inhaled a sharp breath and pulled you flush against him, encouraging you to straddle his waist. Just as you settled in your new position and allowed your tongues to meet the kiss was broken when Kylo abruptly pulled his head back and let out a pained grunt.

"Kriff, sorry." You hastened to get off him, realising that your knee had pressed against his injury.

"It's okay." He exhaled a quiet laugh, but then you both fell silent. The kiss had released a lot of lingering tension, but now you were left with the awkward conversation that neither of you knew how to begin.

"Here, I washed this for you." Rather than addressing the elephant in the room, you opted to change the subject entirely and handed him his shirt. You watched him struggle to try and put it on and reached out to help him. You were still reeling from the kiss and were pushing down the desire to let your hands explore every crevice of his chest rather than help to dress him. "I'll go hunting, you must be hungry." You tried to distract yourself by changing the subject for a second time.

"Not on your own. Those things might still be out there." He tried to stand up, but he was clearly in too much pain. You swept under his shoulder and lowered him back to the ground.

"You're not going anywhere. Besides, I managed last night just fine." You didn't want to give him a chance to argue, so you summoned your Lightsaber and his cloak to your hand, wrapping the latter around your shoulders. Before leaving the cave you glanced back at him, offering a small smile before departing.

With you out hunting, Kylo had a chance to gather his thoughts. That kiss had been an impulsive decision, but it had awoken something within him. He hadn't realised just how deeply he cared for you. When he had seen that creature preparing to sink its teeth into you, he had acted on instinct. He was willing to do whatever it took to keep you safe, and truth be told he was surprised to be alive. You had risked everything to get him back.

He was ready to accept his feelings for you. After all, what point was there in denying them? You were stranded on a deserted planet together, it was probably natural that you would develop some kind of attraction to one another, but he hadn't expected it to be this deep. The one thing he couldn't make sense of was how you had managed to kill the lizard _and_ save his life. You had been stuck in an impossible situation and somehow you still made it out.

You arrived back faster than Kylo had expected. Preparing meals didn't take you long these days, the whole process ran like clockwork now and you busied yourself skinning the animal you had dragged in. Things had been silent aside from a simple greeting. You had to clear the air about a few things, but neither of you knew where to begin.

"How did you kill that lizard?" Kylo was the first to speak. His question caught you by surprise. Whilst you had been out you'd shared a similar thought process to him, but you hadn't allowed yourself to think back to the dangerous power you tapped into last night.

"Luck, I guess." You attempted to shrug it off.

"There's no such thing." He grunted, moving from his spot to sit closer to you.

"I-" Your hands paused their movements and you looked up. He saw the vulnerability in your gaze. "That power you told me to unlock. I did it." Upon hearing your answer, Kylo let out a frustrated groan. Yes, he had wanted you to tap into the dark side, but when you had told him that you didn't want to he respected it. He knew that you felt uneasy about using that power and he hated that you'd done it to save him at your own expense.

"You didn't have to do that for me." He felt more guilty than he probably should have considering he saved your life in the first place.

"You're one to talk." You teased, trying to lighten the mood. Fine, you had used the dark side. So what? You had no Jedi Master to scold you for it. Besides, it had helped you save Kylo's life. "I know I didn't have to do it for you. But I wanted to, don't feel guilty."

He wondered if you were tuned into his emotions, or if you just knew him that well after spending so much time together.

"Okay." He conceded. "Thank you." Normally uttering any kind of gratitude was out of the question, but with you, it came naturally.

"I think it's safe to say that we're even. You don't need to thank me." Your expression softened before going back to preparing the food.

"Maybe you're right. I can't have you thinking that I've gone soft." That one comment managed to put you both at ease, and you fell into your usual stride of conversation whilst you finished preparing your meal.

Both of you still avoided talking about the kiss you'd shared, but in the back of your mind, you knew it would come up sooner or later. After all, it's not like you had anywhere to escape to.

"-But they have impenetrable skin." Kylo had come back to the topic of how you'd killed the lizard after you'd mentioned in passing that you didn't use your Lightsaber.

"I noticed." A laugh left your lips, "Before you ask, I'm not really sure _how_ I did it. But, I set the thing on fire."

"Which takes me back to 'they have impenetrable skin.'" His brow furrowed.

"Look, one second I was freaking out because you were bleeding out on top of me, the next second the lizard was dying a painful death. I'm ninety-nine per cent sure I set the thing on fire from the inside."

"Is that even possible?"

"Apparently." You shrugged.

"I'm impressed."

"You should be, you're still alive." Eating was a chore now, the same bland food every day was wearing thin on the enjoyment scale. When you were finished you tossed the stick you had been eating off aside and grimaced. You longed for a proper meal.

"I've already thanked you Dar'jetii, don't push your luck." He teased and you rolled your eyes.

"Here." You handed him the water flask. "You need to stay hydrated."

He hummed in response and took a long drink. "Are we going to talk about earlier or keep ignoring it?" He asked the moment the flask left his lips. It caught you off guard.

"I assumed keep ignoring it. You're not usually this forward." A smirk rose on your lips. He had a point though, there was no point delaying the inevitable.

"Maybe I've got a new outlook on life." He tried to move to lie down on the makeshift bed and you immediately swept in to help him. With your arms around him, you semi-dragged him over to the soft bed. "What have we got to gain from ignoring it?"

"I guess it would only make our lives more miserable than they already are." You sighed, lowering him to lie down, conscious of his stitches. You stayed sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at him.

"What I'm trying to say, Dar'jetii, is that if this had been any other planet at any other time, I would have killed you on the spot-"

"-charming." You interrupted, snorting, but were silenced by Kylo pressing a finger to your lips.

" _But_ , now I feel differently. If I'm going to live on this planet for the rest of my life, I'm glad that you're here with me. I think it's time to accept that this could be it for the rest of our lives." Having finished speaking, he removed his finger from your lips, but you remained silent nevertheless. You were calculating his words.

"I thought we had accepted that." You sighed, moving to lie down next to him. You were on your side, facing him. With some difficulty, Kylo shifted to also lie on his side.

"It's still in the back of your mind, the hope that somebody will come. I have the same feeling, but I don't think we're ever leaving this place." His honesty and vulnerability surprised you. He was usually the emotionally closed one.

"Then I guess we may as well make the most of our time here." Your tone softened and you leaned in to close the small gap between your faces. This kiss came with much more confidence from both of you. Your feelings were mutual and you could both finally accept the harsh truth that this planet was your home now. But, that truth was softened by the comfort you could seek in each other.

It was time to let go, accept your fate... accept each other. This could be it for the rest of your lives.


End file.
